Jenelle vs. The Gopher: Round 1!

Did you know that I have gopher problems? And vole problems? Everyone has issues and trials, and one of mine is that there is a gopher living in my back yard.

If you haven't seen my dead rat post, visit: http://get2thegist.blogspot.com/2015/08/does-nasty-flat-rat-reflect-on-you.html

The neighborhood kids think it's cute. Me? Not so much.

But I don't have just any old gopher ailing me. This gopher is one of the most brazen, cocky, make-fun-of-me gophers in the universe.

Meet . . . actually, I haven't given him a name yet. Or maybe it's a her. Hmm. I'll have to come up with something.

But anywho, Meet . . . the gopher!

Maybe this is a vole? I don't know for sure, do you? Let's just assume it's a gopher.


In broad daylight he pokes his head above the ground and snickers at me. Yes, snickers. His annoying little whiskers twitch and his beady little eyes dart around, daring me to protest his existence.

Which, of course, I do.

This is our yard! Our garden! Our soil! And this lame little gopher, and the generations before it, have taken advantage of our hospitality one too many times!

No longer will our grass and flower beds be pocked with mounds of dirt! No longer will our vegetable plants, after months of hard labor, be sucked through the ground in one fatal swoosh! No longer will I be mocked!

Huzzah!

So, today I tried putting some hair down into the open gopher hole (we happened upon it creating an entrance to its evil lair), because I had heard that gophers don't like the smell of humans in their tunnel. 5 minutes later it had removed the hair and the dirt I covered it with.

So then I messed up his tunnel with my shovel.

Still didn't work, he came back.

......Augh!

And I have planted plants that the gophers and voles supposedly don't like. We usually don't have any problem with the gophers and voles in our onion patch, but today they came up right in the middle.

.......Augh!

Tune in next time to see episode 2: Jenelle vs. the Gopher; round 2!

On a related note, if you have any ideas of how to COMPLETELY get rid of gophers in your yard, let me know!!!!!!!!!

One of the worst snow storms I've ever been in!

One of the worst snow storms I have ever been in was during a road trip a few years back. Out in the middle of the desert, the snow started to fall and quickly became a blizzard.

We were lucky, though. In front of us was a large semi truck to lead the way. Because seriously, we could barely see out the side windows, let alone the front.

Then, quite a while into this snow storm, we decided to go around the truck. I don't remember why we decided to go around it, but we slowly edged into the next lane and pushed ahead through the snow.

As soon as we pulled ahead of the truck, we wanted to die.

IT WAS BARELY SNOWING!!!!!!!!

We weren't in the middle of a snow storm! We had just been stuck behind a truck with so much snow on the top of it that it was blowing off behind it as it drove!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!!!!

At the time, it felt like one of the worst snow storms I had ever been in. In hind sight, it was the most pathetic snow storms I had ever been in.

But at the time we were just praying to get safely through the storm!

That's ok, whatever storm you are in needs its due diligence!

Sidewalk Ends

Every sidewalk ends at some point. Either ending in a dead end, a wall, or sometimes just undeveloped, uncharted area. And usually you don't expect the sidewalk to end, it just does.

And you find yourself unsure, peeking around the sign to try and figure out how to continue your journey.

What now?

What next?

Shouldn't there be a dang side walk?!

How do I do this?


But seriously, why are we even surprised? EVERY SIDEWALK ENDS. That doesn't mean your path ends, or your journey ends. It just means that you've hit a snag, a conflict, a puzzle, a point where you have to figure out how to continue. It just means you have to work out what to do next. Whether that means braving the rough ground, finding another path, or taking a step back. Or multiple steps.

Everyone pauses when the sidewalk ends. It's natural to experience that moment of "well crud, what do I do now?" But ending sidewalks are a part of life. Otherwise you'd end up just going in circles.

Ending sidewalks will eventually be what gets you somewhere.

When you feel like a Dandelion

Pictures from www.get2thephoto.blogspot.com

If you ever feel like a dandelion,

One of Many. Small. 

When you start to wonder if you've made a difference in the world. 

When you question your importance.

When you start to feel like the winds in life, your trials, will blow you away. Never to return.

Remember that Dandelions are designed for the wind. And before they know it, their influence is far stretching. 

The one small, "inconsequential" dandelion may not be aware. But how they weathered one storm can plant a whole field around them.

Your ideas, your example, your work, your existence. You will never know how far they have spread. Especially in the wind.

The wind doesn't kill the Dandelion. It turns it into a field.

I could see exactly what was going on...

There has been this weed growing on my neighbor's property, right on the edge of mine. Whenever I'd gotten one of these weeds in my yard, I always found it easy to pull. In fact, it is a weed I enjoy pulling because it always comes out super easily. No hard work, no worry, and no mess. 

Well my neighbor's weed was getting pretty big. Luckily it is one of those flat kinds that spiders out along the ground so it wasn't really noticeable unless you happen to walk past it. So even though it was covering a good portion of their side yard, it wasn't too obvious. 

One day I decided that I was going to be a good neighbor, go over there, and just yank the weed up and throw it away in my can. I was excited, knowing that I could get that massive weed up easily.

So there I went, in my black flip flops and yard gloves to pull the weed. I reached my hand down and started pulling up, only to retract my hand quickly. Something had poked me! And not just a little poke, but one that felt like a small bite.

Weird.

But, I dug back in. Pulled up a little more and poke! Ouch!

I realized that little, mean looking pokies were covering the weed. This wasn't the weed I knew from my yard! This wasn't the weed that never gave me any trouble! This was something else. Something I'd never dealt with before, honestly.

But at this point I'd already pulled enough of it up that I was too involved. I had to continue.

The pokies kept slicing through my gloves and dropping down on the ground around me. They were everywhere, raining down from the weed. Which was fun to clean up, let me tell you.

In the end, my black flip flops were pocked with the little pokies that cut into my feet. See the picture above.

I thought I knew what problem my neighbors were dealing with. I thought I knew exactly what was ailing them. It was a trial that I'd conquered many times with ease, and I thought that there yard would yield the same results.

But in the end, I had no idea. And I wasn't equipped to handle their weed. I didn't go in with the right tools, I wasn't dressed to handle it, and I didn't know what I would be facing. I came away with little hurts of my own.

And all because I could plainly see what my neighbors were dealing with and thought I knew how to handle it. 

                                               

In case of fire, use the stairs?

When there is a fire, you aren't supposed to take the elevator.

You are supposed to take the stairs, and keep moving.

They even put up signs that say this very thing!!!!

Dare I suggest that it is the same thing for our trials?

Do we need to give healing, growth, and goals their due diligence? Take the time and focus needed to get it right? Of course keep moving, but doing it with purpose?

This is just my opinion, but...

Of course there are times we need to move fast, even in times of trial.  Just make sure you are holding on to the rail, either way. :) 

My personal rail is made up of prayer, scripture study, family, and hope.

What do you think? Are you a stairs or elevator kind of person?

And what is your rail made up of?

Would you say your trial is a blessing?

A couple of nights ago I heard someone ask another person if they would consider their trials a blessing. I have been asked this question as well and now I ask you:

Would you consider your trials a blessing? Would you consider what you have gone through as beneficial?

If you are human, your first reaction was probably to say "No. No, of course I don't consider this horrible, awful, condescending thing I am going through to be a blessing." Followed up with one raised eye brow and a resounding, "Are you kidding me?"

I write a lot for the spouses of addicts and I can almost guarantee that most spouses of addicts would first want to say, "Are you serious? This is a curse, not a blessing."

But I have to pause when someone asks me this question. Not just because I know that I should find some way to be thankful for my trials, but because some honestly good things have come from them.

I'm being serious.

First of all, I have been able to share what I have learned with others, and hopefully help them as they help me. I write articles, I write this blog.

It is important to share your story.

Second of all, I have developed relationships with some amazing women. Friends that whether or not we spend a lot of time together, we are now connected in a much deeper, serious way.

Third of all, I have developed relationships with some awesome organizations. People who are trying to fight the pornography industry and help those who have found themselves run over by it.

Though I wish that my family never had to go through what it did, what it is still going through. I now am aware of a whole scary, serious world out there and how the laws affect and don't affect it. It has been a learning experience to say the least.

But it is still a trial that we have to deal with. Someone else makes their own decisions and, especially in circumstances like this, it affects you and your family forever. We will always be dealing with ramifications.

The hardest part of everything is to see how it effects my family and my little one. My kid. I have a harder time being grateful for my family's trials when it comes to the pain it has caused my little one and my family. My family has suffered a lot through this, and that just kills me.

Remember though, that being grateful for a trial does not mean that you turn a blind eye to it. Or that you stop putting in safeguards for your family. It definitely does not mean that you accept it.

Hear me:

BEING GRATEFUL FOR A TRIAL DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ACCEPT IT AND TURN A BLIND EYE. IT JUST MEANS THAT YOU SEE YOUR ABILITY TO BECOME STRONGER AND LEARN THROUGH IT.

Being grateful does not mean that you are perfect.

BEING GRATEFUL DOES NOT MEAN THAT ALL IS WELL.

For me, I have come to realize something. And though I say it with a deep breath, I am grateful for my trials. I am grateful for the strength and protection that my Heavenly Father has given me and my family. I am grateful for the opportunity to come closer to God. I am grateful for my ability to share what I have learned with others. And I am grateful for the ability to forgive those that have given me these specific trials.

On a closely related note, I am also grateful for ice cream and caramel sauce. :)

I think it is legitimate to consider your trials, especially depending on the trial, both a blessing and a curse.

Which I think I can say with sincerity: My trials are both a BLESSING and a CURSE.

 And this does not make it ok. 

I don't like my trials.

But, if you can, use your trial to bless someone else. Turn your curse into someone else’s blessing.

When Church and prayer seems like the worst, remember it's the best.

There is a certain amount of peace that comes from going to church. I love to learn about a God who loves me and a savior that loves me so much that he would give his life for me. I love to learn ways that I and my family can be happier.

But sometimes those things make it HARD to go to church, too!

Soon before my divorce process started, things at home were rough. To say the least. It was traumatic, it was sad. During that time it was hard to go to church because I felt like all I did at church was try not to cry. I'd hear a song that reminds me that Heavenly Father will support me during my trials... and I'd cry. I'd hear a lesson on marriage... and I'd cry. I'd feel the peace that comes with going to church ... I'd cry. I'd feel the peace of praying... I'd cry.

You get the point. Generally it wasn't full out crying, but trying NOT to.

I basically went to church and continuously tried not to cry.

But I went anyway. Because I knew that feeling that peace and crying because I felt loved was better than not going and not feeling the peace of going to church and still crying anyway. I still needed the truth I learned at church, I still needed that help.

And eventually it got easier. And then easier turned into easy. Going helped to boost me up.

Of course I still run into things that remind me of heartache. And that is hard. But then I turn to God again and he helps me through it.

I think that is why some people have a hard time praying or attending church, even when they know it is true. Because, especially with praying, you put your self out there and feel vulnerable. This can sometimes seem scary when you are just trying to hold it all together.

But remember that church, prayer, reflection, taking a deep breath, resting, its all there to help you and sort things out.

Use these tools to help you get through your trials and find some peace. Do it now so that you save yourself some pain and heartache later.

If you could do something to help ease your pain, wouldn't you?

Does a nasty, flat rat reflect on you personally?

In case you don't follow me on twitter (which, you should follow me @Jenelle_Stone ), I thought I'd tell you about a very harrowing experience that will scar me forever.

Now, the way I see it, there are three types of hardships. Self-Prescribed, Natural, and Someone Else-Prescribed.

If you did something to directly give you a trial or hardship, then it is self prescribed. If someone else did something that resulted in you going through a trial, then it is someone else-prescribed. If your trial came about naturally or without fault to anyone specifically, then it is a natural hardship.

I think we all go through each type of hardship throughout our lives to make us stronger, to teach us, and to test us.

At least in my opinion.

So the other day I met a swindler, a master of destruction, a real RAT!

No, really. It was a real rat. Well, actually, it was a gopher or a vole or something.

We have pocket gophers, which I have seen on a regular basis, but this guy looks so much smaller.

Anyway, I stepped on him in my garden without realizing it, tracked him out into the yard, and then looked down and freaked out! Maggots crawled out of the dead rodent, which made it worse.

See his nasty looking teeth?

                                          

Ack!

I had to wash my shoes, scoop up the flat, dead creature and dispose of it.

Honestly, how am I supposed to overcome that kind of trauma?!!!

Now, I am tempted to ask, "Why Me?" or "Why did this happen to me?"

But sometimes things happen that have no reflection on us. I didn't go looking to step on a rodent. No one tried to put the rodent in my path so that I would step on it. This occurred naturally. It just happened.

NATURAL HARDSHIP!

Your trials don't always reflect you personally, especially if they are brought on naturally or by someone else's decisions.

Like with spouses of addicts. You hear all the time that your spouse's addiction is not about you. And it's true! Their addiction does not create you or define you. It will try, though. A spouse's addiction will try to make you feel awful about yourself. But it is false. It doesn't reflect on you at all.


Your trials don't always reflect on you personally.

Now, not following me on twitter (@Jenelle_Stone) will reflect on you personally. I'm just saying.

Dealing with the nightmares

I would be interested to know how many spouses of addicts out there suffer from nightmares surrounding their addict spouse. Especially in the beginning after you first find out about their addiction or something related to their addiction.

My personal advice for this is thus: Prayer and reading scriptures

When you just can't go to sleep because your brain won't stop thinking about life. When you can't get rid of the nightmares about your addict spouse.

I won't say that prayer and reading scriptures gets rid of nightmares, at least not immediately. I think that time has to help a little as well. But they do offer a comfort, a chance for peace and a chance to think about something other than what is going on in your life.

And, when you just need that help, that life line to constant love and a plea for peace, who better to ask than God? If only for that short amount of time before you sleep, talking to your Father In Heaven will help.

I had a time in my life where I had to pray while falling asleep. And waking up from the nightmares, I would pray again until I fell asleep again. The nights were too full of nightmares to have the waking time around them be full of nightmares as well. Heavenly father was my lifeline, my constant Go-To. Even though I was tired, I knew that thoughts about what I was going through and my situation would keep me up. So I would read my scriptures until I was even more tired, and then I would pray until I fell asleep. Time definitely helped, prayer and reading  scriptures helped, and healing from the trauma helped.

Whatever your traumatic, hard situation is, remember to pray. Sometimes the greatest peace you will ever find is during your plea for peace.

What do you do to find peace in hard situations? Please feel free to share!

Glitter and deep roots: dissecting this quote by J.R.R. Tolkein

"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost."

 - J. R. R. Tolkien at BrainyQuote

"All that is gold does not glitter"

How true. The most important things in life cannot fit into your bank account.

"Not all those who wander are lost"

None one really has any idea what life has in store for them. That doesn't mean that they can't go forward with resolve, beliefs and purpose.

"The old that is strong does not wither"

Age alone does not have to effect resolve. 

"Deep roots are not reached by the frost"

I love this one. The tree with the strongest, deepest roots will better weather the storm. And storms will most definitely come. 

I love this quote!

The Dreaded Question: How are you?

Ok, this is a strange thing here. I may or may not have already posted this. I didn't think I had posted it, it was marked as "Draft," but then when I went to post it it acted like it had been posted as of the day I originally created it. I made sure that it wasn't posted anywhere and now I am officially posting it. If you haven't read this yet, then huzzah! If you have, then I am sorry. Oops.



I think there comes a point in everyone's life where you hate the question:

"How Are You?"

A loved one dies, your marriage is suffering, you're having infertility problems, your children are making choices that give you tons of grief. Whatever the issue,

And then comes the follow up lie:

"We're good."

or

"We're fine."

Ok, maybe "lie" is too strong of a description. Because the goal is to go through these things in life and still find happiness. But you know what I mean. Those times when your real answer would sound something more like:

"I'm not good, actually. I feel used, betrayed, ugly. I've never cried so much in my life and my husband's therapy bills, while totally worth it, are going to send us to the poor house. But, yeah, other than that I'm good!"

or

"I'm good except for every time I meet with my friends, log onto facebook or go to work. Everywhere I go people are announcing pregnancies. If one more person asks me when we are going to have kids, I think I'll scream."

or

"Someone I loved very much just passed away. Please don't ask me how I am doing."

We all do it. We all keep those thoughts to ourselfs and answer: "Fine." But, in all reality, it's a burden to answer with fine. Especially if your trials are being kept a secret. It makes you feel like you can't answer correctly, which means you may not be getting needed support.

There have been times in the past when I was going through something and I had family members ask me how I was doing. I answered with the lame old: Fine. But really I was wishing I could talk to them and get their support.

Make sure that you have someone to talk to, someone that you trust. I've blogged about this before, but I'll say it again. Don't keep this all inside. Therapist, clergy, ligitamite support group, trusted family member or friend. Or better yet, all of the above.

Find someone that you can answer truthfully to. No "Fine" or "Good."

This is important!

A bit about me and how I got to Here.

Today I'm going to tell you a bit about me and where I am coming from.

I want to start out by saying, if you didn't know already, that I am divorced.

Gasp! Shock! "But you are so pro-marriage and working through the issues!" You say.

Which is true. If a marriage can be salvaged I think it should. Marriage is sacred to me. And I've been there. "There" as in the place where you throw all of your money, time and energy into trying to save your marriage.

"There" as in the place where just little glimmers of hope in your marriage bring you a ton of joy. You stress, you worry, you pray that everything will work out because you love this person. You hold tight to your love and hope and just keep praying. Praying that somehow your marriage will become stronger through all of it.

"There" as in the place where you'd give anything just to heal your marriage.

Yep, I've been there.

But I've also been here.

"Here" as in the place where you find out about what you didn't know before and suddenly everything changes.

"Here" as in the place where there really is no choice. "Here" is a place where a marriage has to end.

You don't easily get "Here." "There" might be a bad place for sure, no doubt about that. But I felt like "Here" was much much worse.

To get to "Here" a line has to be crossed, one that can't be crossed back over. There is no getting back to "There."

So where does that leave me? I will do anything to support those of you who are having a hard time while working through trials in your marriages. I also understand and want to support those of you who have had to deal with your marriage ending.

I think one of the biggest points here too is that one's healing from any kind of trauma does not end at the signing of divorce papers. I am still working through the things I experienced.

Whether you are married and going through ugly times or whether you are divorced after going through ugly times, we are all still having to work through the trauma. To work through the experiences.

It's all the same. We all have to give healing our due dillegence.

So, that is where I am comming from. I've been "There" and I've been "Here." I've had experience in both worlds. And I have many many friends in one world or another.

We are all dealing with the crud, and we all need to heal.

It will be ok.

I really struggled with what to post about today. I have a few blog posts already written that would be very easy to just publish and call it done. But everytime I went to publish a tip or a commentary or something else, I just felt like it wasn't right for today. That today needed to be something uplifting, something specifically happy.

Most of what I write about deals with addiction or dealing with a family members addiction. This week is also National Infertility Awareness week. This month is also child abuse precention month.

Whatever you are going through in life, whatever you are dealing with, know that it will all be ok. Really. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, and that you may feel like you are drowning in trials. But, in the end, it will all be ok.

Do your part. Get yourself in a safe, healthy position. Take care of you and your family. Do your best.

Some things will heal with time, some things will heal with therapy, some things will heal with change and progression.

Lots of therapists will talk about taking your trials to your higher power. Do it.

Whether it's here and now or in the next life, everything will be ok. Because Someone is always looking out for us. He loves us and knows us, our sorrows and our trials. He knows what we are going through and he suffered for it all. Just stick with him.


It really will be ok.

"Your Sorrow Will Never End"

This week I am blogging about the lies told by a pornography addiction, based off of my article that ran yesterday on Family Share. http://familyshare.com/5-lies-about-pornography-addiction

Yesterday I blogged about worth and the lie that you "aren't enough."

Today I am going to blog about the lie "Your Sorrow Will Never End."

You know what I'm talking about. That feeling that the circumstance and trial you are in will last forever, that you will never be able to escape the sorrow. 

When you are 16 everything feels this way. Every little molehill is a mountain. As you get older, the difficulties you sorrowed through in High school don't seem as bad anymore. Because you now have new, seemingly bigger trials. What to do with your life and figuring out what to major in or what goals to have or what direction to go suddenly trumps most things you went through in high school.

Then you get out into the real world and realize that your post-high school trials weren't anything compared to the trials you are facing now. Finances, jobs, family, addiction, broken hearts. We all go through something.

But you know what? Consider this:

The ability to look back at your current trial as a thing of the past is very real.

1. If you are causing your trials (like, if you are the addict), try to get help. Therapy, support groups, dedication, try try try! It's a huge step, but it is possible. Put this trial in your rear-view mirror!

2. If someone else is causing your trial (like if you are the spouse or family member of an addict), try to get help. Therapy, support groups, dedication to staying in a healthy place, try try try! At some point, whether it is in this life or the next, your trial will be in the rear-view mirror. Don't wait for that day to be happy.