True Story: Would you like to pet the bee?

My cousin and I decided to meet at a local garden. We thought the kids would love to see all the pretty floral designs. Personally, I like to feed the fish in this garden's pond. But that is for another post.

At one attraction, where the flowers are planted around a fake carousel, the kids all stopped to admire a cute little bee on the flower. Specifically, the bee pictured above.

My cousin crept close and asked the kids if they wanted to pet the bee.

She was serious! Apparently this wasn't her first encounter with bees and she knew what to do. She reached forward, and gently pet the bee. 

I remember holding my breath, sure that she was about to get stung. Luckily, she didn't. 

Of course I was amazed. I mean, seriously? How can you pet a bee and not get stung?

I thought about being bold and just going for it. How cool would it be to say that I pet a bee? Unless, of course, it stung me. In which case it wouldn't be cool. It would be embarrassing, in fact.

Someone: "Hey Jenelle, how'd you get stung by a bee?"

Me: "Oh, you know, I tried to pet it."

Super embarrassing.

We all know someone that seems to have superpowers. They can handle or accomplish things that you would look at and think, "I couldn't do that," or "I couldn't handle that." And that's OK. We all have our strengths, and my strengths are different than yours. It's OK for us all to have different super powers and weaknesses.

What seems easy to one person, may seem hard to someone else. Like how my cousin could pet a bee and I froze, unable to accomplish what she made look so simple.

Someday I'll tell you about my other cousin and her wild tarantula powers. Again, true story. And again, not a super power that I have. But that is OK.

Don't Forget who YOU are! How an addiction affects the family.

Have you ever heard someone in a relationship with an addict say that they feel like they've changed? In someways I think people who have survived a relationship with an addict feel stronger. And in other ways I think they feel weaker.

I've noticed that being in any kind of relationship with an addict tends to TRY and wear you down and strip away your sense of self. Whether it's a sibling, a parent, a spouse, a child. Sometimes they feel like they are different from who they used to be. And not necessarily in a good way. Like they've lost their confidence in themselves. Is that because sometimes family members and spouse's of addicts just try and keep the peace? They keep trying to get their relationship back to a point of at least neutrality? All of your energy is going into just surviving in your marriage instead of thriving in it? I don't know.

And sometimes addicts do that to their spouses and family on purpose. Find the Power and Abuse wheel from one of my posts in February and you'll see what I mean. Sometimes addicts try and isolate their spouse, they try to limit their options, they say things that they shouldn't, they do things they shouldn't. And, lets face it, the basic actions of an addict make their spouses feel like they themselves are not enough. Which, though completely untrue, is what the spouses of addicts feel all the time.

I wonder if all of that numbs you.

It's a mess.

No wonder so many spouses feel like they've lost a part of themselves along the way.

Have you let go of parts of yourself? Are you not doing the things you enjoy? Have you forgotten who YOU are?

Watch the clip.




Every situation is different and I am not suggesting that you "confront the problem" necessarily. Don't take Edna Mode's advice on that one, maybe take your therapists advice on what to do. Every situation is different and "confront the problem" could put some women out there in a lot of danger. (I'm reminded of my anti-50 Shades week last month. There are women who end up in shelters or dead from abusive relationships.)

But what I do suggest you take from Edna Mode, is that you are Elasti-Girl! (Or, you know, whatever your name is) Pull yourself together and remember who you are! Not for "him," but for you. Don't drop the things that you enjoy and lose yourself amid the chaos.

Remember your super-self!

And the truth is, people change, grow, mature, gain new interests and responsibilities and that's ok. But forgetting yourself completely is not a good idea. Having peace in a relationship is important, but surrendering your interests, feelings and steadfastness is a dangerous thing to do.

Make sure you take care of yourself and do things you enjoy.

"You are Elasti-Girl! Pull yourself together!"