You Are Worth it to Him

TRUE LOVE vs INFATUATION

TOGETHER vs. SOLITARY

I don't think there needs to be much narrative on this. The quote speaks pretty well for itself. 

As a general rule, people should try to fall in love with an actual person . . . I'm just saying.

Respect vs Violence

This is True Love Vs. Exploitation week here on Get2theGist. It started last year, the week before Valentine's day with the boycott of the 50 shades movie. That was a crazy week for me. I blogged at least 3 times a day, I wrote an article for Deseret News, was interviewed on iHeart Radio, etc., etc. etc. 

It was all about standing up for true love, exposing pornography and abuse for what they really are, and supporting the true victims of these abusive relationships. Because it's all hurt and pain until somebody dies, right?

This is serious stuff, a living hell for everyone involved. And yet the world wants to depict pornography and abuse as acceptable. People die from these relationships getting too out of hand. All it takes is one time when things go too far, and then somebody gets hurt. 

Not to mention the whole host of spouses who are dealing with the trauma and hurt from their husband or wive's addiction. 

No matter how you look at it, putting abuse, pornography, and other forms of exploitation into a marriage is not healthy one bit.

This year, the week is going to be all about setting the record straight and finding the truth. Exposing pornography and abuse for what they really are: crap. And not anywhere near a semblance of true love.

True love is respect. It's concern for one another and caring about each other. 

Exploitation is the opposite of that. 

And no one should mistake that. 

We all deserve respect, concern, caring, peace, and support. If not from anyone else, then ourselves. Though you should always remember that the Savior has this for you and more.

What do you think true love is?

Possible side effect in children: low self esteem

I remember going to an assembly in middle school that was all about accepting each other and accepting ourselves for who we are. 

It's a pretty common theme these days.

1. Just be yourself. Stick to your beliefs.

2. Don't change yourself just to fit in. 

3. You are special and you should embrace that. 

There's a common Christian addage that goes right along with this: God does not make mistakes. 

Before you read on, answer me this: do you agree with the above statements? These are points that really hit home for kids with the issues of low self esteem, bullying, depression. 

Love yourself. 

Right?

That's a huge part of what I blog about. Don't let the world determine your worth.

But, how about if we told children the following.

1. Just be whatever version of yourself that you want to be. There is no value in sticking to a belief or moral system. Stick with it one day, let it go the next. That's up to you.

2.You should change yourself to fit in. As long as you are comfortable with the change, you should go ahead and take the steps necessary to look like the people you want to hang with, act like the people you want to hang with, talk like the people you want to hang with. If you want to be in the popular crowd and the popular crowd all have to have ear gauges, then you should get them. So you can fit in with the crowd and have them like you. If you want to be Barbie, then you should definitely get a chest enhancement because, truthfully, you aren't good enough right now.

3. There really is nothing special about you. Don't spend the energy trying to love yourself or embracing what you were given. There is nothing special about the human body, you should throw caution to the wind because none if it, including your personality, matters anyway. It can be changed on a whim.

And, oh yeah, God must make mistakes. And boy did he do a doozy on you. Ha! Tough luck, kid. 

. . .

That would be nuts, right?! Who in their right mind would say that to a kid?

 

Oh, wait . . . Bruce . . . I mean . . . Caitlyn . . . I mean . . . Bruce Jenner would.

Pretty sure I just offended someone. Before you get all in a tissy, I want to specify something. I am not going to talk about whether or not what he is doing is right or wrong. I'm not going to talk about my personal feelings on the subject. 

But, whether or not you support what Bruce is doing, I think it's important to pay attention to the side effects of this. 

On one hand, you could say that he is following the first list I mentioned. He says he is staying true to himself, he is trying to be who he affirms is the true him, and he is embracing that.

On the other hand, he is only following the first list by adhering to the second list. What he had is not good enough. He needs to change himself to be a part of the group he wants to fit into. It isn't even a matter of him changing his personality, he is trying to change the basic structure of gender. What he had to offer is not good enough, so thus he must need to change.

Lots of people are doing this. They are trying to change something that is very, very basic. They aren't just talking about who they are attracted to, but what gender they are.

Now, as I said, I'm not going to get into my personal convictions on this. But just realize what message we are sending, especially to the kids.

If you love who you are, great. But if you don't fit into a certain mold, then you should change yourself. Don't be satisfied with being you, change anything you need to feel better about yourself.

And where does that stop? 

There was a story out a few months ago about a mom who was giving her young daughter plastic surgery vouchers so she could get enhancements. Everyone flipped! How dare she do that, how aweful is that, she's teaching her daughter to feel that she is not good enough. That she needs to change to fit a certain mold.

Calling Bruce a hero teaches kids the exact same thing.

I am not trying to convince you to feel one way or the other about this. I'm more just telling you to be aware of the side effects that decisions like this will cause.

All decisions, whether they are good or bad, have consequences. This is just another example of this.

 

Personally, I suggest still telling your kids that they are special just how they are. 

Do NOT tell this to an addict or his girlfriend

Today's post is a bit of a vent - so, warning!

Last week I read a letter posted on a very popular anti-pornography website. It was written by a girl who chose to stay with her boyfriend and help him work through his pornography addiction. A few months ago I read an article about another girl who chose to marry a man that she knew had a pornography problem because she could tell he was repentant and wanting to heal.

I love that porn does not conquer all. That when an addict puts their mind to it and dedicates themselves to thereapy and hardwork it is possible for them to turn over a new leaf.

But . . . here is my issue with letters like this.

They give the impressionn that if a girl leaves her boyfriend because he is a porn addict it means that she didn't really love him any way. That a girl doesn't really love you if she leaves.

Groan!

This is an aweful thing to say to both the girlfriend and the porn addict. Having a boyfriend with a pornography addiction can tear you apart. It causes emotional issues, and is no picnic. The girl in the letter I read said that because of this she had had to deal with depression already. And they aren't even married!

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't fault a girlfriend for moving on because she found out her boyfriend has an addiction. If you are having those kinds of problems before marriage, you'll have them after as well. Only maybe worse because in the addicts mind he might be thinking "She knew about this before we married and was ok with it."

I think if a marriage has any real, good chance at all that the addict needs to get help to try and not take those issues into a marriage.

You don't want to tell the addict that if a girl leaves him that means she didn't truly love him. How aweful is that for the addict! Basically you are telling him that every girl that left because she didn't want to put her, her future marriage and kids through a pornography addiction, was just stringin him along in the first place. Oh, don't worry. She didn't really love you anyway.

That's aweful!

Don't put that on either the girlfriend or the addict.

If anything, I would tell a young man to not get wrapped up with pornography and I would tell him that it is a total turn off for girls. They don't want to feel compared to someone else, they don't want to go through those issues.  I would tell him that he will most definitely lose girlfriends over this. And probably the ones he would really want to keep.

Now, if a couple is married and the wife finds out that her husband is an addict, then I think they should try to work it out if at all possible. Dating relatoionships are a lot more expendable than marriages, which should be permanent. I know that sometimes this doesn't work out in a marriage, that some addicts cross dangerous lines that they cannot just come back from. There is a point where you have taken your addiction to levels and once you get to that level you will have to deal with a more dangerous level of temptation for the rest of your life. Some addictions put people at risk.

That being said, I think if you are married, try to work it out. If you are dating, don't be pressured to stick around just for the sake of proving your loyalty.

We need to teach kids that there are consequences for their actions. And yeah, you might lose a girlfriend over this. That doesn't mean that she didn't love you or that she was just stringing you along. If you find a girl that is willing to stick with you, then good for you. But don't be surprised if a girl doesn't want to deal with that.

The Beauty of a Woman - According to Audrey Hepburn

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.



- Audrey Hepburn

Day 6: True Love

This last week I posted a lot about abuse and abusive relationships. The thought kept sticking with me: this is not how it is supposed to be. Husbands and wives are supposed to love and respect one another. Neither one of them is supposed to belittle the other, demean the other, bruise the other, threaten the other.

Physical, sexual, emotional, or whatever kind of abuse. None of it is good. None of it is "True Love." It's the opposite of love. Abuse is the opposite of love.

So then I thought, if abuse is the polar opposite of love, what kind of love would be the at the other pole?

What is the best kind of love?

Some might say that service is the best kind of love. Or maybe a verbal declaration. Maybe it's priority or kindness. Perhaps it's when your spouse is faithful to you and your relationship. All of these are great answers. The world would be a lot better if everyone would give answers like these.

These are glimpses of the best kind of love, but not the complete package. Not by a long shot.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the best love is charity. The pure love of Christ.

Whatever religion you associate with, I am sure that most of us would agree that our beliefs coincide with treating each other well, caring for each other and showing kindness.

I believe that Christ died for us and atoned for our sins and I believe that the abuse that goes on in this world is so far from what he wants for us.

This is not how it's supposed to be.

How can we live in a world where we have such a good example of love as Christ and still have people that try to degrade a fellow human being with such ferociousness? We have someone who atoned for us so that we can have eternal hope, and yet there are people who take pleasure in creating a situation seemingly void of hope.

And sometimes these abusers even claim to "love" their victim.

It's disgusting. It's humiliating. It's wrong.

This is not how it's supposed to be.

Day 4: There must be action behind the words: "I Love You"

Today I am sharing what another one of my cousins has to say about showing someone that you love them. I think this is such a great answer! Jared says:

“I see my wife's sacrifices for me, which I appreciate. But my son shows me a new kind of love. He has little to sacrifice for me, but when says, "Daddy, sit next to me," or "Daddy, play with me," I know that he loves me. I become important to them. I become a priority to them. I feel their love in those ways not because it is validating in some way, but because I know that of all the things my wife could be doing or of all the toys my son could play with, they chose me over all of it. It's humbling, because it's a constant reminder that though I don't deserve it, I need to be worthy of it.”

“It's hard to give a definitive answer to the "best" way to show love. But I think that it becomes love when another person is constantly at the top of your priorities—especially ahead of your own needs or wants. I can't always be with my family, but they are my priority and it is for them that I go to work for most of the day. It's not rare for me to say, "I love you," but there must be action behind the words so that the sentence becomes more of an explanation for everything I have done for them rather than an apology for what I have done for myself.”

I love the last words about there needing to be action behind saying “I love you.” It isn’t an explanation about why things aren’t a certain way, or as Jared says an “apology.” The words “I Love You” should just re-affirm what you have already showed them.

Speaking of Jared Heath, I want to give a shout out to him and his book. He’s the author of “The Sound in the Silence” and an awesome cousin!

Day 1: Examples of Real, true love

Love Vs. Lust.

Stories like 50 Shades of Grey are all about lust. Instant Gratification, performance performance performance, Selfishness, only pleasing yourself, etc. None of these qualities describe a relationship with true love.

Real relationships with real love are sweet, caring, patient, and the physical activities aren't hurtful or demeaning.

Real Love is when your spouse values your advice.

Real Love is waking up to find that your husband let you sleep in while he did the dishes.

Real Love is when your wife calls just to say she loves you.

Real Love is when your husband asks how your day went.

Real Love is doing chores, driving the kids around, making budgets, praying, worrying about a lost job or a wayward child, staying up all night with a sick child, etc. etc. etc. together.

It's real life, dealing with the day to day together and loving doing those things together that is true love.

Real love is respect.

My Grandma and Grandpa had a deal that he would never have to go with her into a fabric store if she never had to go with him into an army navy surplus store. I love that!

There's a place I used to go when I was younger that had a live band and dancing, only the band played exclusively oldies music, jazz and those sorts of things, and 99% of the patrons were over the age of 70. I loved seeing those old couples dancing around the floor. It wasn't fast, it wasn't very lively, it was sweet. They were there to spend the evening together and that's all that mattered.