A little Confidence Can Go A Long Way!

Do you ever get jealous of those people who are so confident that the world just seems to wilt around them? That it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of them, they know their value.

I have some friends that I often look at and think, "Man! I wish I was that confident!"

Because confidence is beautiful! It makes you look strong, smart, and capable all at once!

It's like the peacocks in the picture above. The one is proudly showing it's feathers and winning the stare down with the other one, who is bowing to him.

Although, confidence can easily go the wrong way and make you seem cocky. That's not good. The picture below describes this perfectly. While the one male peacock is being confident . . . or is he being cocky? . . . and the other male peacock is bowing to him . . .

The female peacock couldn't care less! She's just in the foreground cleaning her feathers!

So who is more confident? The cocky peacock or the silent, I- could- care- less- about -your- drama, female?

Not all confidence looks the same. 

This plant hasn't lost its sparkle. Literally.

This plant has seen better times. Life has been pretty rough, and I'm sure it doesn't feel like the plant it used to be. Back when it's petals were a little spunkier, it's foliage a little fuller. 

But no matter what, it won't lose it's sparkle/glitter. 

What is your sparkle? 

When you feel like a Dandelion

Pictures from www.get2thephoto.blogspot.com

If you ever feel like a dandelion,

One of Many. Small. 

When you start to wonder if you've made a difference in the world. 

When you question your importance.

When you start to feel like the winds in life, your trials, will blow you away. Never to return.

Remember that Dandelions are designed for the wind. And before they know it, their influence is far stretching. 

The one small, "inconsequential" dandelion may not be aware. But how they weathered one storm can plant a whole field around them.

Your ideas, your example, your work, your existence. You will never know how far they have spread. Especially in the wind.

The wind doesn't kill the Dandelion. It turns it into a field.

The Help

I just finished reading The Help. by Kathryn Stockett. I think it was one of my all time favorite books. Though I wish I had read it before watching the movie, because I couldn't get the movie out of my head. And, I'll admit, I LOVE the movie.


Aibileen, one of the main characters, finds that she has a talent for helping the children she raises to feel good about themselves. If you've seen the movie, you'll remember her saying:


"You is smart,
You is kind,
You is important."


In the book, she recognises that the more someone hears negative information the more they will believe it. She many times hopes that it isn't too late to teach the little girl she is raising about self-worth and respecting everyone.


I think it is never too late to realize your self worth. Or re-realize your self worth. There will always be the "Miss Hillys" who think they know all. I'm sure you personally know at least one "Miss Hilly" who tries his or her best to assign you the value that they made up.


There will always be people that treat you like that.


But, to quote Kathryn Stockett:


“Ever morning, until you dead in the ground, you gone have to make this decision. You gone have to ask yourself, "Am I gone believe what them fools say about me today?”
― Kathryn Stockett, The Help


And then you just have to live by the mantra, "I am smart, I am kind, I am important."


Wonderful, wonderful book.


If you've never read it, go check it out on Amazon:

It's what's inside a person that matters

Would you like fries with that?

This is your friendly reminder that it's what's inside that matters.

Introducing: Captain Jack Sparrow!

Welcome to the 2nd annual Individual Worth Week! 

To kick off the week, I thought we'd visit Jack Sparrow. Ehem, sorry: Captain Jack Sparrow. 

Ignore the part where he lies and steals (not the best message for individual worth week), and focus on the boat. Or lack there of. Even when things are going south, even when the boat is literally sinking, Jack never lets go of his sense of self. He knows who he is, he has his goals, and he isn't going to settle or put himself down.

Think back to the time when you first saw this movie. The opening shot of Jack standing boldly above the sails, insinuated that he was standing on some grand ship. But why? It isn't like they really showed any of the ship itself. No, you think he's on a grand ship because of the way he is acting, his boldness, his confidence. He is taking what he has and making the best of it, sticking to who he knows he is.

Then he jumps down and you realize that he is in a tiny, sinking boat. I bet you laughed the first time you saw it. And yet, did it lessen your views of Jack? You might have been surprised, but in the end you knew that Jack was serious. That he took himself seriously, and that he had a strong sense of self.

Throughout the movie you know that Jack is a pretty big deal because of the way he treats himself and views himself. Not because of the way others viewed him

You Are Worth it to Him

His or her addiction is NOT about you. Individual worth Week, Day 5

A couple days ago I wrote a post that was all about you. Today I am writing a post on why it is not all about you. Today I am focusing on the Spouses of pornography/sex addicts, though I am sure everyone can relate to this in some way.

But before we talk about addiction, let's set the record straight in some other areas.

The Number 5, while very visible, has nothing to do with the moving of the minute hand. The hands will spin no matter what the #5 does or does not do. In fact, we could remove the number 5 and the minute hand will still move around the face of the clock. 

It is NOT the #5's fault that the minute hand moves.

It's NOT about the #5. 

It's about the batteries in the back of the clock.

This candle is sitting on tile. But no matter what kind of floor the candle sits on, it can still be lit.

It is not the tile's fault that this candle can be lit. 

It isn't about the tile or any other kind of floor. 

It's about the candle bowing to the match and fire.

The same pole that holds up and supports the flag cannot determine if the flag waves in the wind.

It's not the pole's decision if the flag waves.

It isn't about the pole.

It's about the wind and lack of starch.

Hamilton's image has no idea that this bill is worth $10. The Government could decide to put Captain Picard's picture on this bill, and it would still be worth $10.

Hamilton has no idea that the bill is worth $10. He's just a picture.

It isn't about Hamilton.

It's about who the government decides to put on the bill. They can make their own choices.

It's not the consumer's fault that the milk on this box looks delicious when really it is probably glue.

Seriously, it looks real!

The chocolate in these indoor smores could be old and stale, and it would not be the marshmallow's fault. They are two separate things. And while the end product, the smores, might suffer, the marshmallows are still fresh and delicious.

The marshmallow's have to deal with the chocolate, but they do not cause the grossness.

This towel is blue. Being blue is a huge part of this towel. This towel is also dry. However, it is not the color blue's fault that the towel is dry. This towel could be red and it would still be dry.

It's not the color blue's fault that this towel is dry.

It isn't about the color blue.

It's about the towel having been dried.

The husband's pornography addiction is not the wife's fault. She could be someone else, have a different body type, pretend to be ok with things she isn't, and he would still have his addiction. She could change completely and he would still be an addict. A therapist once told me that an addict could be married to a porn star and he would still have the addiction. 

No amount of makeup, diets, or the wife's actions will get rid of the husband's addiction.

Because it isn't about the wife. 

It isn't the wife's fault that her husband is an addict.

IT IS NOT ABOUT THE WIFE!

It's about the addict and his addiction.

Your individual worth is great. And no matter what anyone else does or says, your worth will not change. There are always people who will try to make you think that your worth is lessening in an attempt to excuse away their own actions. 

This is ridiculous.

It's like blaming the #5 for the spinning of the minute hand. 

It's simply ridiculous.

An Open Letter to these trees. Individual Worth Week, Day 4!

Dear Trees in the park,

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but you pretty much stink at being trees. Maybe at one time you were pretty, but that time has passed. You aren't even worth the ground space that you take up.

You aren't beautiful, you aren't useful. In fact you are an eye sore.

In short, you are all worthless.

Everyone can clearly see that this tree is uglier than ugly. I mean, come on! Its trunk doesn't even grow straight! It's twisted and swirly, all uniform. Yuck!

There is no easy way to say this, but this tree has a crook in it. Totally not uniform.

This one is short.

Is that a knob? 

You couldn't just grow upwards?

Trunks? There shouldn't be two.

And I'm deducting points for the tacky birdhouse.

This shade has holes in it.

Yup. Everyone can plainly see how worthless these trees are.

No value whatsoever.

Rediculous!

Sincerely,

Sar Castic

Don't let anyone diminish the value of your tree. They obviously don't know what they are talking about.

I am a hypocrit! Individual Worth Week, Day 3

I am such a hypocrit.

Like many women out there I often get down on myself for what I consider to be a very imperfect body image.

So, why am I a hypocrit?

Probably 85% of the woman I have ever looked up to or admired have been overweight. Most of the best Mom's I know? The hardest workers? The softest hearts? The strongest faith? The ladies in church I have most wanted to be like? Some of the best teachers I have had? The friends who have had qualities that I wish I could share? Many of these woman have the same body type as me.

I don't judge someone by how they look. I know that some people do, sure. But none of us REALLY care about what those kind of people think. The people whose opinion I care about don't judge others based on their weight.

Many women are worried that the guys around them won't like their body image. But if someone doesn't like you based on your body type, then who cares about what they think in the first place?

The focus should be on being healthy, not about what the scale says.

The point is that throughout my life, most of the women I have wished I could be more like would describe themselves as having "more to love."

I don't judge others based on their body type, so why am I judging me based on mine?

Lets Talk About You! Individual Worth Week, Day 2

Ever heard the old adage that you are your harshest critic? 

Today we are going to tear that all down. Today you need to be honest about what is amazing about you, what makes you tick, and what you love.  

And we are going to do all of this... with crayons! Because it helps to write things down. Writing something down helps you to remember. And in the end you'll have a cute little momento.

Note: I am not a therapist or anything like that, I just thought this would be a good way to celebrate you.

Step 1: Get your Materials! Crayons and Paper

Step 2: Write down your good attributes

This is a really hard thing to do. Very few people feel confident in listing most of their good attributes. Oh sure, there are those attributes that you feel confident in and have no qualms in sharing. Like...

I am hopeful. I always hope for the best.

Or...

 It's very true! I love being a Mom!!!!!

Other things are harder to admit. Like...

I don't always feel strong. But I know that I am. 

I talk a lot about spouses of addicts here on the blog. If you are a spouse of an addict or if you have survived a spouse's affair or similar thing, I demand you put this on your list of attributes! There is no way you could survive these things and not be strong.

Step 3: Write down other things you are good at or things that you love. This could be silly things like...

It's true. I can talk a mile a minute.

Or serious things like...

I love my family

And...

My home

I want you to also put small things like your favorite color!

Step 4: Also, write down the times that you were proud of yourself

One thing I wrote down was "That Time With Bull."

Maybe someday I'll tell you about it. 

Step 5: Fill in whatever spaces are left with cute swirls and things like...

And, in the end, you will have a pretty little momento of your awesomeness. A piece of paper to tuck in your journal. Remember that nothing is too small to put on there. If you really love the fresh feeling after brushing your teeth, put it on there. If you feel like you make the yummiest quiche out there, put it on there. If you loved the time you stood up to the bully or the time you made a hard choice, put it on there. 

What good attribute do you posess that you have a hard time admitting to?