"Sticks and Stones"

I love this picture. It is a tower of bubble wrap. I saw it and my mind immediately started coming up with ways to use it. Art projects? Packages? Just popping it for fun? The options are endless!

Bubble wrap . . . the ultimate protection for packages and storage.

Unfortunately, we can't use bubble wrap on our souls.

I know, that was deep.

But seriously, you know the old adage "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me?" Totally not true. That saying is the ideal to strive for, the goal of one day being able to just shake it off.

In reality, words sometimes hurt more than actual injuries. And the damage done by them can take longer to repair sometimes.

However, there is good news. When you are hurting, physically or emotionally, you can always go and pop some bubble wrap. Works every time.

But seriously, how do you heal from word wounds? Well, for me, I just try to think of the source. If the person is notorious for being jerky or mean, then I try to remember that. You can't trust their opinion. Eventually, after so many jerky things said, you can ignore their jabs completely. Because who really cares what they think?

If someone came to you and said that a narcissist was telling them what a horrible person they were, what would you say? You'd tell them to ignore the person's comments and not take it to heart. If someone came to you and said that a liar was telling them what an awful spouse they were, what would you say? Of course you'd tell them that that person was lying!

So why can't you take your own advice? Why do you let that person, who you know doesn't have a good reputation of trust, get to you?

Be your own good friend and tell yourself the truth.

So then it really may be true that sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you.

Who else doesn't know where their kid is?

Does anyone else not know where their child is for the next month?

Let me explain.

My little sweetheart is on an extended visit with my Ex right now. And if there is one thing that my ex hates, aside from me, it's having to tell me anything. 

The other week I asked him about plans and he litterally started whistling. 

I even have sole legal and sole physical custody, and I still don't know where my sweetheart is.

I've mentioned before that divorce does not solve everything. I still have to deal with secrecy. I still have to deal with deceit (especially in the court room). And I still have to deal with personal attacks. I can't tell you how many times he's told me I'm a bad parent, that I'm crazy, that I'm stupid, that I'm whatever else he wants to call me that day.

Another thing I deal with on a regular basis is the misrepresentation of history. Being told that one thing happened when in fact I know that something else happened.

I mean, seriously? I was there. I saw and heard what happened. On some things I have texts, on some I have e-mails, on some I have computer files that prove my memory is correct. And still I am constantly told that something that isn't even close to the truth happened.

So, what do you do? In all of this, how do I deal with it?

I'll tell you. 1) I always stick to the truth. There will always be people in the world that want to convince you that the truth is a lie and that lies are truth. Don't let them. If you always tell the truth, then the truth is on your side and will help you. There is a peace and protection that only comes with telling the truth.

2) I try to always act respectfully. Even when I am disagreeing with something, or am frusterated. Your interactions can still be respectful durring those times. You can
't be resposible for how other people act, but you are responsible for how you react.

If the whole world would just 1) tell the truth and 2) handle things respectfully, then we would be so much better off.

You Are Worth it to Him

Dealing with your spouse's addiction: Finding the Spark (Guest Blog Post)

Today we have a Guest Blog Post written by Alicia from brabadges.blogspot.com ! I am so excited to share this with you, and you should go check out her blog when you are done reading here. I asked her to answer the question: What has helped you the most in dealing with your spouse's addiction? Because this is something that so many people are needing help with. And when you are at that point you might want to hear what has helped someone else.

By Alicia:

I love the 3rd verse of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."  Have you read it?

"Then the traveller in the dark, 

Thanks you for your tiny spark, 

He could not see which way to go, 

If you did not twinkle so."

I remember my Traveller Days, and they were so dark.  No one knew my secret because I believed it wasn't mine to tell.  People around me talked openly about my secret, never knowing.

"If my husband ever looked at pornography, I'd leave him."

I remembered thinking the same thing until it happened to me.

"Porn is such a problem right now... it's breaking families up."

If it was such a problem, why did I feel so alone?

I couldn't find any spark, let alone any light.  The cycle of addiction seemed to run our home.  We operated around where my husband was at emotionally.  I worked hard to keep my kids safe, to keep my husband happy.  I always came up short, but I never stopped trying to be "more."

More thin.

More easy-going.

More sexy.

Sweeter.

Kinder.

Funnier.

Tidier.

I stopped focusing on my own needs and allowed them to be swallowed up in what I perceived to be my husband's needs.  No matter how hard I tried, no matter how many books I read or strategies I came up with... he would always return to his addiction.  I tried keeping tabs on him, following up with articles I'd asked him to read, and reasoning with him.

One day, six years into our marriage and after a year without my husband relapsing, I uncovered more lies.  I hit my rock bottom.  The emotional pain was so intense, it morphed into physical pain.  My heart hurt so badly, I clutched at my chest.  I couldn't believe this was my life, my story.

I cried myself to sleep and the next morning I told myself if I could find tiny spark -just one story of one person who had made it though a story like mine -I could make it through that next day.

I found a book online that led me to a 12-step support group.  At first I only attended with the intention to listen.  All I really wanted was to look into the eyes of another person going through what I was going through.  I had travelled in the dark for much too long.  I needed light.

I found sparks that night.  It only took a few meetings of "only listening" to really intrigue me.  I began working the steps myself.

Today, six years later, I attend two meetings each week.  I work my steps with a sponsor.  I attend counseling and reach out to a trusted spiritual adviser.  

I have found a great deal of truth working the 12-steps.  They have brought me to a place of serenity.  The journey has not been easy or painless... in fact, it has been very hard and very painful.  I repeat the serenity prayer each week and appreciate the reminder that, "pain is the pathway to progress."

I have learned I can let go of what I can't control (the past, others, the future...) and focus on what I can control -myself.

Working the 12-steps is like looking through a REALLY clean mirror... I can see my strengths and weaknesses, my pride and my humility.  It is almost as scary as it is empowering.  I have the direction I need to take hold of my life and live to my full potential, regardless of my husband's choices.

I live one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time -my path lit by the sparks of those who walked the path before I did.

An Open Letter to these trees. Individual Worth Week, Day 4!

Dear Trees in the park,

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but you pretty much stink at being trees. Maybe at one time you were pretty, but that time has passed. You aren't even worth the ground space that you take up.

You aren't beautiful, you aren't useful. In fact you are an eye sore.

In short, you are all worthless.

Everyone can clearly see that this tree is uglier than ugly. I mean, come on! Its trunk doesn't even grow straight! It's twisted and swirly, all uniform. Yuck!

There is no easy way to say this, but this tree has a crook in it. Totally not uniform.

This one is short.

Is that a knob? 

You couldn't just grow upwards?

Trunks? There shouldn't be two.

And I'm deducting points for the tacky birdhouse.

This shade has holes in it.

Yup. Everyone can plainly see how worthless these trees are.

No value whatsoever.

Rediculous!

Sincerely,

Sar Castic

Don't let anyone diminish the value of your tree. They obviously don't know what they are talking about.

Who's truth do you see in the mirror?

I'm going to get very personal here, more so than I usually do. Bear with me.

While I thoroughly believe that we all have infinite worth, remembering it is not always so easy.

A couple of years ago there came a point with the things I was dealing with in life where I had a hard time looking in the mirror. Because of what I felt my reflection symbolized. I didn't see me, I saw what I felt someone else I loved must see. It was... grotesque.

I saw the image of a girl that was disappointing and unsatisfying.

And, well, that's the truth about how I felt. Deep down I knew that I wasn't really gross, that I wasn't really ugly. But knowing that and practicing that are two different things.

And it made me sad. Sad because I hated that my self esteem had been hit so hard by someone else. Sad because I found I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. Why couldn't I have just let it roll off my shoulders? Why couldn't I have let the comments and actions  from that person go?

With time I have grown stronger. I now have a much thicker skin. But that thick skin was not an immediate thing. The more someone emotionally and mentally beats you down, you have a choice to make. Either you can fall under the blows or you can be realistic and see what they are doing for what it really is: bullying and lies.

Because seriously, that's all it is. Bullying and lies.

Do not go to anyone - I repeat ANYONE- else to discover your worth or beauty. It's great for your friends, your spouse, your parents to recognize your worth or to tell you that you look nice. But it isn't what's important. And frankly, don't go to yourself either. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies.

Whether you believe in God's creation or not, it's pretty obvious that we are miraculous. And NOTHING can change that.

Honesty

No legacy is so rich as honesty. - William Shakespeare at BrainyQuote


So true. Stay honest in your interactions with others.


If you have a history of telling lies or twisting the truth, then that is what others will assume you are doing. Tell a lie, and you lose your believability.


It's as simple as that.


If you are always honest, then your situation and stance is grounded in truth and you can stand by it.


Being able to stand by the truth and knowing that I am telling the truth has been a great blessing in my life many times. Because, no matter what, the truth is the truth and there is no twisting it. I would rather that others be able to rely on me because I tell the truth.