Respect vs Violence

This is True Love Vs. Exploitation week here on Get2theGist. It started last year, the week before Valentine's day with the boycott of the 50 shades movie. That was a crazy week for me. I blogged at least 3 times a day, I wrote an article for Deseret News, was interviewed on iHeart Radio, etc., etc. etc. 

It was all about standing up for true love, exposing pornography and abuse for what they really are, and supporting the true victims of these abusive relationships. Because it's all hurt and pain until somebody dies, right?

This is serious stuff, a living hell for everyone involved. And yet the world wants to depict pornography and abuse as acceptable. People die from these relationships getting too out of hand. All it takes is one time when things go too far, and then somebody gets hurt. 

Not to mention the whole host of spouses who are dealing with the trauma and hurt from their husband or wive's addiction. 

No matter how you look at it, putting abuse, pornography, and other forms of exploitation into a marriage is not healthy one bit.

This year, the week is going to be all about setting the record straight and finding the truth. Exposing pornography and abuse for what they really are: crap. And not anywhere near a semblance of true love.

True love is respect. It's concern for one another and caring about each other. 

Exploitation is the opposite of that. 

And no one should mistake that. 

We all deserve respect, concern, caring, peace, and support. If not from anyone else, then ourselves. Though you should always remember that the Savior has this for you and more.

What do you think true love is?

From "Normal" to "Psycho" in one step?

Warning: This post may contain triggers for the spouse of an addict.

On any given month, week, day, you can find stories on the news about heinous crimes. Sexual assault, rape, violence, murder. It's becoming more and more common. 

And what do we, the general public, say? That the perpetrator is a "creep." A "psycho." We shake our heads in disgust, saying that their actions are evil. 

You can probably think of multiple cases where you yourself felt like this. That what you were hearing about the attacker is gut wrenching and twisted. How could someone get that far? How could someone cross those lines and do that to another human being? 

Pornography, bdsm, and all of their deep, twisted forms are excused away as "normal" until someone acts out on them and hurts someone. Then all of a sudden that person goes from being "normal" to a "creep."

You hear that a man is into a heavy bdsm fetish, or some of pornography's darker sides, and people describe that man as "just being a guy" "doing manly things" "expressing himself" "normal" "every body does it" "Free speech."

And then he acts out on what he's been looking at, he follows through with the things he's been saying, someone gets hurt, and then suddenly everyone says he's a "creep," "perp" "Sicko" "Psycho."

Make up your mind, society. Is it a problem or is it not? When someone goes out, rapes and kills someone it is described as "heinous." And it is, right? But people don't just get to that extreme automatically. There are steps to get there, paths that must be followed for someone to go that deep. We need to label those steps and actions as heinous as well. 

Simply put, you can't say that the first step is just "a man thing" and the next step is "evil."

Day 6: True Love

This last week I posted a lot about abuse and abusive relationships. The thought kept sticking with me: this is not how it is supposed to be. Husbands and wives are supposed to love and respect one another. Neither one of them is supposed to belittle the other, demean the other, bruise the other, threaten the other.

Physical, sexual, emotional, or whatever kind of abuse. None of it is good. None of it is "True Love." It's the opposite of love. Abuse is the opposite of love.

So then I thought, if abuse is the polar opposite of love, what kind of love would be the at the other pole?

What is the best kind of love?

Some might say that service is the best kind of love. Or maybe a verbal declaration. Maybe it's priority or kindness. Perhaps it's when your spouse is faithful to you and your relationship. All of these are great answers. The world would be a lot better if everyone would give answers like these.

These are glimpses of the best kind of love, but not the complete package. Not by a long shot.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the best love is charity. The pure love of Christ.

Whatever religion you associate with, I am sure that most of us would agree that our beliefs coincide with treating each other well, caring for each other and showing kindness.

I believe that Christ died for us and atoned for our sins and I believe that the abuse that goes on in this world is so far from what he wants for us.

This is not how it's supposed to be.

How can we live in a world where we have such a good example of love as Christ and still have people that try to degrade a fellow human being with such ferociousness? We have someone who atoned for us so that we can have eternal hope, and yet there are people who take pleasure in creating a situation seemingly void of hope.

And sometimes these abusers even claim to "love" their victim.

It's disgusting. It's humiliating. It's wrong.

This is not how it's supposed to be.

Day 5: The "Physical scars of abuse"

If there is any possible way that you aren't convinced of the horrible circumstances surrounding abusive relationships, follow the link below.

I found this project (Cosmetic and Reconstructive Support) on the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence's website. They work in partnership with a medical association to help reconstruct a victims head, neck and arms.

Here is a quote from their information sheet:

"The NCADV works in partnership with a medical association to assist survivors of domestic violence who cannot afford the cosmetic and reconstructive surgery needed to repair the injuries they have received from a spouse or intimate partner. Facial plastic surgeons from across the country volunteer their services to assist survivors in removing the physical scars of abuse."

The fact that this is even a needed service, that this is out there at all is tragic. That there is a whole project dedicated to helping people get the surgery they need to help repair their abuse injuries. That some spouses and intimate partners out there inflict this kind of damage on a person is horrible.

Here is the link: 

http://www.ncadv.org/programs/cosmetic-surgery

Day 4: Statistics on Victims of Domestic Abuse

= Victim!!!!!!!!!!

The graphic above portrays Anastasia from 50 Shades. She is the victim in an abusive relationship. The real stories of victims in 50 Shade type relationships are living through their own little type of Hell.

For today's post on domestic violence victims, I thought I'd share some statistics. Follow the links for more.

These are so sad.



These Stats are from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (http://www.ncadv.org/learn/statistics)

• "On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men"

• "Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime."

• "72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 94% of the victims of these murder suicides are female."

• "Almost half of female (46.7%) and male (44.9%) victims of rape in the United States were raped by an acquaintance. Of these, 45.4% of female rape victims and 29% of male rape victims were raped by an intimate partner"

• Physical, mental, and sexual and reproductive health effects have been linked with intimate partner violence including adolescent pregnancy, unintended pregnancy in general, miscarriage, stillbirth, intrauterine haemorrhage, nutritional deficiency, abdominal pain and other gastrointestinal problems, neurological disorders, chronic pain, disability, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as well as noncommunicable diseases such as hypertension, cancer and cardiovascular diseases. Victims of domestic violence are also at higher risk for developing addictions to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs

The Following Stats are from an article at the Huffington Post:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/23/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5959776.html

• 3 women are murdered every day by a current or former male partner in the U.S.

• "4,774,000 - The number of women in the U.S. who experience physical violence by an intimate partner ever year."

Day 2: The Power and Control Wheel

For todays post on the real victims of domestic and intimate abuse I am sharing the Power and Control Wheel. This was sent to me by Megan Walker from the London Abused Women's Center in London, Ontario. This wheel describes ways in which abusers gain and maintain power and control over a women.

Warning: if you are in any type of a relationship with an abuser or if you know someone in a relationship (so, in other words, everyone) this is kind of creepy to read. It is a very unsettling feeling to read this.


The Wheel Link- http://lawc.on.ca/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/power-and-control-wheel.pdf

The Website- http://lawc.on.ca/

Day 1: 50 Shades: A Story of Abuse

I thought I'd share some of my top resources on this subject with you. 

https://www.facebook.com/50dollarsnotfiftyshades    : this is the facebook page for the #50dollarsnot50shades campaign. They are asking that patrons skip going to the 50 Shades of Grey movie and donate 50 dollars to a domestic violence shelter/agency instead. Because that is where a lot of the woman who are in 50 shades type relationships end up.  

The facebook page is pretty cool, you can go and see some of the donations that people have given to Shelters as part of the boycott, they have links to articles and to other sites. 

One of their links leads to an article written by Dr. Gail Dines where she says that the movie's real title should be 50 Shades of Black and Blue.  

http://endsexualexploitation.org/fiftyshadesgrey/  : this page has a ton of resources on it. It talks about what is in the book, the abuse and male domination. It talks about how the book affects society and why it is such a big deal. There is a ton of information on this page. It is also who is sharing these awesome graphics in this post with us!

The last one I'm going to share with you today is https://www.lifesitenews.com/petitions/50-shades-boycott . It's a petition that visitors can sign to join the boycott. Go check it out.

The main argument here is that 50 Shades of Grey is being marketed as a love story, when in reality it is a story of abuse. The man Grey, does horrible horrible things to the woman, Anastasia and hollywood is trying to market those horrible things as romantic. They are trying to market domestic violence as romantic.

Yuck!