Who else doesn't know where their kid is?

Does anyone else not know where their child is for the next month?

Let me explain.

My little sweetheart is on an extended visit with my Ex right now. And if there is one thing that my ex hates, aside from me, it's having to tell me anything. 

The other week I asked him about plans and he litterally started whistling. 

I even have sole legal and sole physical custody, and I still don't know where my sweetheart is.

I've mentioned before that divorce does not solve everything. I still have to deal with secrecy. I still have to deal with deceit (especially in the court room). And I still have to deal with personal attacks. I can't tell you how many times he's told me I'm a bad parent, that I'm crazy, that I'm stupid, that I'm whatever else he wants to call me that day.

Another thing I deal with on a regular basis is the misrepresentation of history. Being told that one thing happened when in fact I know that something else happened.

I mean, seriously? I was there. I saw and heard what happened. On some things I have texts, on some I have e-mails, on some I have computer files that prove my memory is correct. And still I am constantly told that something that isn't even close to the truth happened.

So, what do you do? In all of this, how do I deal with it?

I'll tell you. 1) I always stick to the truth. There will always be people in the world that want to convince you that the truth is a lie and that lies are truth. Don't let them. If you always tell the truth, then the truth is on your side and will help you. There is a peace and protection that only comes with telling the truth.

2) I try to always act respectfully. Even when I am disagreeing with something, or am frusterated. Your interactions can still be respectful durring those times. You can
't be resposible for how other people act, but you are responsible for how you react.

If the whole world would just 1) tell the truth and 2) handle things respectfully, then we would be so much better off.

A bit about me and how I got to Here.

Today I'm going to tell you a bit about me and where I am coming from.

I want to start out by saying, if you didn't know already, that I am divorced.

Gasp! Shock! "But you are so pro-marriage and working through the issues!" You say.

Which is true. If a marriage can be salvaged I think it should. Marriage is sacred to me. And I've been there. "There" as in the place where you throw all of your money, time and energy into trying to save your marriage.

"There" as in the place where just little glimmers of hope in your marriage bring you a ton of joy. You stress, you worry, you pray that everything will work out because you love this person. You hold tight to your love and hope and just keep praying. Praying that somehow your marriage will become stronger through all of it.

"There" as in the place where you'd give anything just to heal your marriage.

Yep, I've been there.

But I've also been here.

"Here" as in the place where you find out about what you didn't know before and suddenly everything changes.

"Here" as in the place where there really is no choice. "Here" is a place where a marriage has to end.

You don't easily get "Here." "There" might be a bad place for sure, no doubt about that. But I felt like "Here" was much much worse.

To get to "Here" a line has to be crossed, one that can't be crossed back over. There is no getting back to "There."

So where does that leave me? I will do anything to support those of you who are having a hard time while working through trials in your marriages. I also understand and want to support those of you who have had to deal with your marriage ending.

I think one of the biggest points here too is that one's healing from any kind of trauma does not end at the signing of divorce papers. I am still working through the things I experienced.

Whether you are married and going through ugly times or whether you are divorced after going through ugly times, we are all still having to work through the trauma. To work through the experiences.

It's all the same. We all have to give healing our due dillegence.

So, that is where I am comming from. I've been "There" and I've been "Here." I've had experience in both worlds. And I have many many friends in one world or another.

We are all dealing with the crud, and we all need to heal.