Um... this is awkward.

Wow. I found this beauty watching me from a bin at Walmart. It had massive, staring eyes and a wide, stalker-like smile. My initial reaction was, "What the... crud?" My second reaction was, "Someone actually took the time to come up with this product?" And my final reaction was to take a picture.

There are lots of people trying to sell us loads of crud. The trick is seeing it for what it really is.  Whether it's a lie, a cover-up, or sometimes someone will want us to do things for the wrong reasons. In this case, it's an over-priced, creepy pillow.

Stare at it for 10 seconds for maximum creep-out effect.

Do you have a crappy foundation? Literally?

Have you ever realized that you're standing on a foundation made of poop? Well, then you might be a pigeon. Or human, really. This happens all the time. Figuratively, of course.

Like the recent story of the boy who had been missing for 13 years! Fox News 

How horrifying to realize that your whole life was something different than you thought it was. 

Honestly, though, to some extent we all deal with crappy foundations. Co-workers, family members, friends, spouses. You will always run into people who are not truthful or whose feelings are only skin deep.

I have a situation I am in that is extremely frustrating. A foundation made of poop, to be sure. I am in the unfortunate position to witness the brunt of this person's lies, actions, and misleadings, I know their history, and this person attacks me constantly with put-downs, swearing, and all sorts of other things. Then they turn around and ask me to trust them.

And there I am, standing on the metaphorical packed down poop.

But, look at that picture above! That nest isn't just magically going anywhere. It needs to be scraped down, sanitized, probably repainted and then guarded to keep the pigeons that will keep coming back away. 

This ledge can become clean. It can be completely transformed. But it has a history with pigeons that, if the bird watching website I read can be trusted, will continue to come back to the place they were born to nest. The ledge can become clean, but it will always need to be guarded. 

People are the same way. Habits, especially addictions, have to be guarded against always. It is a full time job for the rest of that persons life. 

I pray all the time that (not in these words) the person I know will try to scrape the crap away and do their best to not let the birds take nest.

"I feel so low and your head is high"

WARNING: THIS POST AND THE LINKS ARE FULL OF SOME VERY SERIOUS TRIGGERS FOR THE SPOUSE OF AN ADDICT. TREAD WITH CAUTION, OR DON'T READ.

For those of you who don't know my very well, I am a major fan of 80's music! I was listening to a compilation of 80's songs the other day and T'Pau's "Heart and Soul" came on.

I loved the sound of this song, but had never really known the words before. So, I looked them up.

And Whoah! This song is totally relateable for anyone who has ever been in a "complicated" relationship, had a spouse with a pornography or sex addiction, had a spouse that participated in affairs, etc.

The whole song is about how she loves this guy but he isn't reciprocating that love back to her. She realizes he never did, and that he's been lying to her. The songs says he left her for another. Part of her wants him to make it right and give her "love, heart and soul." But the other part of her doesn't want him around. Her blood runs cold when she realizes that he is coming back.

Part of me is mad. Couldn't this song just have been a fun, 80's song and not some deep meaning, heart felt ballad?

But, this song hits the spouse of an addict predicament on the head of the nail.

Check out the lyrics- http://www.metrolyrics.com/heart-and-soul-lyrics-t-pau.html

And then listen to it as you read the lyrics. If you've been through something like this, I'll bet you'll get the shivers.

I still love this song anyway.

Lie #5: "No one else understands what you are going through"

This week, because of my lastest article Here: http://www.familyshare.com/addiction/5-lies-about-pornography-addiction, I have been blogging about the lies experienced by couples when one of them has a pornography addiction.

Today is the final instalment in this saga. The lie: "No one else understands what you are going through."

I wish this wasn't a lie. I wish I could tell all of the addicts and spouses that they are singularly the only person going through this. That no one else has experienced this kind of trial.

But that wouldn't be true. EVERYONE has been effected by pornography in one way or another. Whether they realize it or not.

People just don't talk about it.

But they still are going through it.

Lie #4 : "Everyone does Pornography, so why worry about it?"

Well...

• If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?

But, seriously, I resent this lie. I take offense when people say that "everyone does it."

Because not everyone views porn. Not everyone looks outside of their marriage, not everyone supports that industry.

Thats like saying ...




"Everybody does it" is probably the lamest excuse for anything.

And, when we accept something as being the "norm" then we except the consequences of that thing as the "norm" as well.

Pornography and the sorrow it leaves in its wake? NOT NOT NOT the norm.

Lie #3: "Joining in your spouse's addiction will be helpful to your marriage"

This week we are looking at some of the lies told by pornography addiction. Today's Lie is: "Joining in your spouse's addiction will be helpful to your marriage."

Ugh. No, no, no. How many different ways can I say that this is NOT a good idea?

Let's see...

1. This is NOT a good idea.
2. Two wrongs don't make a right.
3. Don't support the thing that is messing with your marriage.
4. Don't support your spouse's pornography addiction.

I could go on and on.

Pornography is completely fake. It doesn't show healthy couples in healthy intimate relationships. It shows the opposite of that. You don't want to have your marital examples coming from exploited, coerced, or even trafficked relationships.

And how do you think you will feel after watching or acting out pornography? Better? Closer to your spouse?

Absolutely not.

The first time I heard about addicts who try to get their spouses to join in I was mortified. Don't go down that road, do not do that to yourself.

"Your Sorrow Will Never End"

This week I am blogging about the lies told by a pornography addiction, based off of my article that ran yesterday on Family Share. http://familyshare.com/5-lies-about-pornography-addiction

Yesterday I blogged about worth and the lie that you "aren't enough."

Today I am going to blog about the lie "Your Sorrow Will Never End."

You know what I'm talking about. That feeling that the circumstance and trial you are in will last forever, that you will never be able to escape the sorrow. 

When you are 16 everything feels this way. Every little molehill is a mountain. As you get older, the difficulties you sorrowed through in High school don't seem as bad anymore. Because you now have new, seemingly bigger trials. What to do with your life and figuring out what to major in or what goals to have or what direction to go suddenly trumps most things you went through in high school.

Then you get out into the real world and realize that your post-high school trials weren't anything compared to the trials you are facing now. Finances, jobs, family, addiction, broken hearts. We all go through something.

But you know what? Consider this:

The ability to look back at your current trial as a thing of the past is very real.

1. If you are causing your trials (like, if you are the addict), try to get help. Therapy, support groups, dedication, try try try! It's a huge step, but it is possible. Put this trial in your rear-view mirror!

2. If someone else is causing your trial (like if you are the spouse or family member of an addict), try to get help. Therapy, support groups, dedication to staying in a healthy place, try try try! At some point, whether it is in this life or the next, your trial will be in the rear-view mirror. Don't wait for that day to be happy.

My article: 5 Lies About Pornography Addiction

My newest article was published this morning by Family Share!

Go check it out:

http://familyshare.com/5-lies-about-pornography-addiction

In it I talk about some of the lies and deceptions that a couple has to deal with when one of them has a pornography addiction. So, this week I am going to be focusing my blog posts on those lies. One lie per day and by the end of the week we will have covered the lies discussed in my article.

The first lie is . . . drum roll . . .

"You are not good enough"

I think both addicts and their spouses have to deal with this lie. Pornography gives the viewer a hefty dose of an alternate reality where everything is desirable and acceptable. How does an addict deal with that? How do they get through the constant barrage of fake disirability? And when they don't measure up to this fake reality they can get down on themselves. Recipe for Bad self esteem!

And then the spouse, well that's a recipe for bad self esteem to an intense degree. Feeling like the love of your life is choosing anything over you can massively stunt your ability to see the good in yourself.

But it is a LIE!

Religion aside (which really isn't possible), beliefs aside (again, not possible), there is no way that an outside influence can change your worth. On that same subject, YOU can't even change your worth.

Absolutely no way. Not possible. Whether you believe in God's creation, a big bang, or something else, there is no disputing the fact that every person on this earth is their own, unique, miraculous, being with uncapped potential. Whether or not anyone else or you can see it, you are exploading with worth. Just the fact that you have a place on this earth means that you have the ability to grow, the ablity to change, and the ability to learn.

Now, I do believe in God's creation. And as such I believe he created us. Can anyone even attempt to claim that they can deminish the worth of God's creation. Ha! Fat chance.

Your worth isn't up to you or anyone else. You can decide what to do with your life, people can hurt you, you can let opportunities slip away, others can judge you (whether correctly or not), you can choose your own path.

But your worth is given to you. And it isn't something that can be taken away.

Take a certain silver dollar for example. It's worth is 1 dollar. And it will stay 1 dollar. You can choose what you buy with that dollar. It could purchase a small sandwhich on the dollar menu. It could purchase a discount movie ticket. It could purchase a 99 cent book on amazon. It could be donated to charity.

The life that silver dollar leads could be very different from all of the other silver dollars out there. But, even if the products it buys are dissapointing, it cannot change it's worth.

A silver dollar is a silver dollar, whether or not the discount movie you saw was a blockbuster or not.

You worth is infinite, whether or not the world (or you) (or your spouse) decides to see it.