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Tuesday, May 12, 2015

The Dreaded Question: How are you?

Ok, this is a strange thing here. I may or may not have already posted this. I didn't think I had posted it, it was marked as "Draft," but then when I went to post it it acted like it had been posted as of the day I originally created it. I made sure that it wasn't posted anywhere and now I am officially posting it. If you haven't read this yet, then huzzah! If you have, then I am sorry. Oops.

I think there comes a point in everyone's life where you hate the question:

"How Are You?"

A loved one dies, your marriage is suffering, you're having infertility problems, your children are making choices that give you tons of grief. Whatever the issue,

And then comes the follow up lie:

"We're good."


"We're fine."

Ok, maybe "lie" is too strong of a description. Because the goal is to go through these things in life and still find happiness. But you know what I mean. Those times when your real answer would sound something more like:

"I'm not good, actually. I feel used, betrayed, ugly. I've never cried so much in my life and my husband's therapy bills, while totally worth it, are going to send us to the poor house. But, yeah, other than that I'm good!"


"I'm good except for every time I meet with my friends, log onto facebook or go to work. Everywhere I go people are announcing pregnancies. If one more person asks me when we are going to have kids, I think I'll scream."


"Someone I loved very much just passed away. Please don't ask me how I am doing."

We all do it. We all keep those thoughts to ourselfs and answer: "Fine." But, in all reality, it's a burden to answer with fine. Especially if your trials are being kept a secret. It makes you feel like you can't answer correctly, which means you may not be getting needed support.

There have been times in the past when I was going through something and I had family members ask me how I was doing. I answered with the lame old: Fine. But really I was wishing I could talk to them and get their support.

Make sure that you have someone to talk to, someone that you trust. I've blogged about this before, but I'll say it again. Don't keep this all inside. Therapist, clergy, ligitamite support group, trusted family member or friend. Or better yet, all of the above.

Find someone that you can answer truthfully to. No "Fine" or "Good."

This is important!

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