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Monday, July 2, 2018

How long does it take for a train to stop?


I was talking with a train conductor a while back and he was telling me about car/train accidents. One thing that I found fascinating is that, when a train is long enough, it can take a mile or more to stop that train!

Can you imagine if we had to prepare a mile ahead to stop our cars? 

I love to apply things to real life. And, since I write a lot for the spouses of addicts, I couldn't help but think about how this mile-to-stop would apply to addiction. I'm sure you could think of all sorts of things, but the one I want to focus on is that the conductor has to purposefully stop the train. You can't be wishy-washy or put it off. If, a mile down the road, you are wanting to be in a better place, then you have to stop now. Knowing that for that mile you will be working against the massive momentum you've built up. And even after that you have to be careful not to pull up on those brakes.

I couldn't believe it. A mile!

Monday, April 23, 2018

The spouse knows anyway

When trying to decide if you should tell your spouse about your addiction, consider the pretty good chance that they know anyway.

That's right. They may know anyway.

Sure, they may not know what is really going on, but they might know that something is terribly wrong. They may be asking themselves questions like:

Why can't we seem to get along?
Why is my spouse always to irritable?
Why can't we connect in our relationship?
Why do things feel so awkward between us?

So while they may not really know what is going on, they may know that something is going on. And no matter how many excuses they try to make in an attempt to try and fix your situation, none of them will work because they aren't being told the truth.

That isn't fair to your spouse, yourself, or your family.

Just a thought.

Friday, April 6, 2018

Question: "Should I tell my spouse that I am an addict?"

I've never been in the position of wondering what I should tell my spouse about an addiction, but I have been on the opposite side of being told by my loved one about their addiction.

My personal opinion? The answer is yes. You should tell your spouse.

That being said, being told about the addiction was one of the most awful experiences ever. I literally felt like the world around me was falling apart. The fact that things weren't actually falling down around me didn't match up to how I was feeling.

But then a great thing happened. After a good cry we came up with a plan. Being handed all that crap, while hard, was a good thing because the root of the problems we'd been having was now out in the open and we could look for applicable, honest help. Whereas before we couldn't make a plan to help our relationship because I had no idea what we were really dealing with.

Consider playing soccer, 2 against 2. If you don't tell your partner that you are playing soccer, then you won't get any help making goals or stopping the other team from making goals. Meanwhile, you are frustrated that you are losing the game and your partner has no idea why you are so upset or why things are stressed out. Because he or she doesn't even know they are playing the darn game!

Trying to work past an addiction is the same thing. In my opinion, take it or leave it, if you don't tell your spouse, your relationship may not get the healing it needs and he or she isn't going to know why things are so tense and stressed out.

You've got to tell your spouse that they are playing soccer!

I've met multiple wives who have told me that their marriage was better than ever after finding out about their husband's addiction because now they are on the same page and able to work together to find health and peace in their relationship.

That being said, it isn't going to be easy. You are telling your spouse about a betrayal, and they are going to take it that way. Getting through this is going to be hard, but so worth it.

If telling your spouse leads to more unrest in the relationship, then I still think it is worth telling. There were things in my situation that eventually threw our relationship under the bus, but I have always been grateful that the person told me. I have respect that they had the courage to tell me, and I think that was the absolute right decision.

You have to let your spouse make their own decisions based on what you tell them, but a relationship based on the truth, even if that truth comes hard, is always better than a relationship based on lies.

Anyway, that's my personal opinion from my personal experience.

What do you think?

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

"Sticks and Stones"

I love this picture. It is a tower of bubble wrap. I saw it and my mind immediately started coming up with ways to use it. Art projects? Packages? Just popping it for fun? The options are endless!

Bubble wrap . . . the ultimate protection for packages and storage.

Unfortunately, we can't use bubble wrap on our souls.

I know, that was deep.

But seriously, you know the old adage "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me?" Totally not true. That saying is the ideal to strive for, the goal of one day being able to just shake it off.

In reality, words sometimes hurt more than actual injuries. And the damage done by them can take longer to repair sometimes.

However, there is good news. When you are hurting, physically or emotionally, you can always go and pop some bubble wrap. Works every time.

But seriously, how do you heal from word wounds? Well, for me, I just try to think of the source. If the person is notorious for being jerky or mean, then I try to remember that. You can't trust their opinion. Eventually, after so many jerky things said, you can ignore their jabs completely. Because who really cares what they think?

If someone came to you and said that a narcissist was telling them what a horrible person they were, what would you say? You'd tell them to ignore the person's comments and not take it to heart. If someone came to you and said that a liar was telling them what an awful spouse they were, what would you say? Of course you'd tell them that that person was lying!

So why can't you take your own advice? Why do you let that person, who you know doesn't have a good reputation of trust, get to you?

Be your own good friend and tell yourself the truth.

So then it really may be true that sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you.

Monday, November 6, 2017

LifeStar Therapy is hosting a Facebook Live Event tomorrow, Tuesday November 7, 2017

I have great news! Tomorrow, November 7th, LifeStar Therapy is hosting a Facebook live event. For those of you who have read my blog or checked out my articles, you know that LifeStar is a great resource and help for those who are struggling with pornography and sexual addiction, as well as their families. So you don't want to miss out on this opportunity to hear from them.

LifeStar Therapy helps to treat the addict, as well as the trauma caused to the rest of the family from the addiction.

The following is a press release from LifeStar about their Facebook Live Event:

Pornography addiction can be devastating, not only to the addict but to their family as well. It’s much more common than you might think, however, and there are resources out there to give you hope.

Join us on November 7th, 2017, at 7 PM MST, for an exclusive Facebook Live event. This event is hosted by Lifestar Therapy, and we’ll be talking about how to take back your life, today. We’ll go over the science of porn addiction and why it can be so difficult to overcome. We’ll share the steps you can take to recover from a porn or sex addiction. Finally, we’ll talk about what to do if you discover that your spouse has a porn addiction.

Lifestar Therapy has over 25 years helping people from all walks of life overcome their addiction. We offer those suffering from porn addiction and their families a safe place to talk about their struggles with others like them.

When you are struggling with a porn addiction, or when you discover that a spouse or loved one is hiding a porn addiction, it can feel pretty lonely. But the truth is, there are many other people just like you who have gone through the difficult, long process of overcoming addiction. Repairing relationships, rebuilding self-esteem, strengthening bonds, and forming new habits all takes time and work, but it is worth it, and it is easier if you are surrounded by people who support you. There’s a whole community out there, waiting for you to connect and gather strength from them.

Follow this link or post the following into your browser so sign up for the live event:

Friday, October 13, 2017

From the water to the air

Have you ever heard of a naiad? No, I'm not talking about some mythological character. A naiad is an insect that can live for years, though some types only live for months. They live under the water. They eat small creatures, other insects, are pretty good at catching their prey. Great, great swimmers!

But a naiad is only the nymph (adolescent) stage of a particular insect.

After all that time swimming, the naiad crawls out of the water, sheds its skin, and boom! It's a dragonfly!!!

Yes, a dragonfly! You read that right. After potentially years of swimming, the dragonfly crawls out flies.

One day it has gills (according to the book I was reading) and the next day it is breathing air.

How cool is that!

Talk about an example of a great change!

Tuesday, October 10, 2017


This whole time I've been treating these like a weed! Next summer, I'm letting them grow wild and I'll set up a road side stand.

If I don't treat my lawn with anything next year can I call them organic too?

Ok, but on a serious note . . . really? ORGANIC dandelion greens? I guess it really is all about perspective.