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Tuesday, March 31, 2015

"Your Sorrow Will Never End"

This week I am blogging about the lies told by a pornography addiction, based off of my article that ran yesterday on Family Share.

Yesterday I blogged about worth and the lie that you "aren't enough."

Today I am going to blog about the lie "Your Sorrow Will Never End."

You know what I'm talking about. That feeling that the circumstance and trial you are in will last forever, that you will never be able to escape the sorrow. 

When you are 16 everything feels this way. Every little molehill is a mountain. As you get older, the difficulties you sorrowed through in High school don't seem as bad anymore. Because you now have new, seemingly bigger trials. What to do with your life and figuring out what to major in or what goals to have or what direction to go suddenly trumps most things you went through in high school.

Then you get out into the real world and realize that your post-high school trials weren't anything compared to the trials you are facing now. Finances, jobs, family, addiction, broken hearts. We all go through something.

But you know what? Consider this:

The ability to look back at your current trial as a thing of the past is very real.

1. If you are causing your trials (like, if you are the addict), try to get help. Therapy, support groups, dedication, try try try! It's a huge step, but it is possible. Put this trial in your rear-view mirror!

2. If someone else is causing your trial (like if you are the spouse or family member of an addict), try to get help. Therapy, support groups, dedication to staying in a healthy place, try try try! At some point, whether it is in this life or the next, your trial will be in the rear-view mirror. Don't wait for that day to be happy.

Monday, March 30, 2015

My article: 5 Lies About Pornography Addiction

My newest article was published this morning by Family Share!

Go check it out:

In it I talk about some of the lies and deceptions that a couple has to deal with when one of them has a pornography addiction. So, this week I am going to be focusing my blog posts on those lies. One lie per day and by the end of the week we will have covered the lies discussed in my article.

The first lie is . . . drum roll . . .

"You are not good enough"

I think both addicts and their spouses have to deal with this lie. Pornography gives the viewer a hefty dose of an alternate reality where everything is desirable and acceptable. How does an addict deal with that? How do they get through the constant barrage of fake disirability? And when they don't measure up to this fake reality they can get down on themselves. Recipe for Bad self esteem!

And then the spouse, well that's a recipe for bad self esteem to an intense degree. Feeling like the love of your life is choosing anything over you can massively stunt your ability to see the good in yourself.

But it is a LIE!

Religion aside (which really isn't possible), beliefs aside (again, not possible), there is no way that an outside influence can change your worth. On that same subject, YOU can't even change your worth.

Absolutely no way. Not possible. Whether you believe in God's creation, a big bang, or something else, there is no disputing the fact that every person on this earth is their own, unique, miraculous, being with uncapped potential. Whether or not anyone else or you can see it, you are exploading with worth. Just the fact that you have a place on this earth means that you have the ability to grow, the ablity to change, and the ability to learn.

Now, I do believe in God's creation. And as such I believe he created us. Can anyone even attempt to claim that they can deminish the worth of God's creation. Ha! Fat chance.

Your worth isn't up to you or anyone else. You can decide what to do with your life, people can hurt you, you can let opportunities slip away, others can judge you (whether correctly or not), you can choose your own path.

But your worth is given to you. And it isn't something that can be taken away.

Take a certain silver dollar for example. It's worth is 1 dollar. And it will stay 1 dollar. You can choose what you buy with that dollar. It could purchase a small sandwhich on the dollar menu. It could purchase a discount movie ticket. It could purchase a 99 cent book on amazon. It could be donated to charity.

The life that silver dollar leads could be very different from all of the other silver dollars out there. But, even if the products it buys are dissapointing, it cannot change it's worth.

A silver dollar is a silver dollar, whether or not the discount movie you saw was a blockbuster or not.

You worth is infinite, whether or not the world (or you) (or your spouse) decides to see it.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Don't Forget who YOU are! How an addiction affects the family.

Have you ever heard someone in a relationship with an addict say that they feel like they've changed? In someways I think people who have survived a relationship with an addict feel stronger. And in other ways I think they feel weaker.

I've noticed that being in any kind of relationship with an addict tends to TRY and wear you down and strip away your sense of self. Whether it's a sibling, a parent, a spouse, a child. Sometimes they feel like they are different from who they used to be. And not necessarily in a good way. Like they've lost their confidence in themselves. Is that because sometimes family members and spouse's of addicts just try and keep the peace? They keep trying to get their relationship back to a point of at least neutrality? All of your energy is going into just surviving in your marriage instead of thriving in it? I don't know.

And sometimes addicts do that to their spouses and family on purpose. Find the Power and Abuse wheel from one of my posts in February and you'll see what I mean. Sometimes addicts try and isolate their spouse, they try to limit their options, they say things that they shouldn't, they do things they shouldn't. And, lets face it, the basic actions of an addict make their spouses feel like they themselves are not enough. Which, though completely untrue, is what the spouses of addicts feel all the time.

I wonder if all of that numbs you.

It's a mess.

No wonder so many spouses feel like they've lost a part of themselves along the way.

Have you let go of parts of yourself? Are you not doing the things you enjoy? Have you forgotten who YOU are?

Watch the clip.

Every situation is different and I am not suggesting that you "confront the problem" necessarily. Don't take Edna Mode's advice on that one, maybe take your therapists advice on what to do. Every situation is different and "confront the problem" could put some women out there in a lot of danger. (I'm reminded of my anti-50 Shades week last month. There are women who end up in shelters or dead from abusive relationships.)

But what I do suggest you take from Edna Mode, is that you are Elasti-Girl! (Or, you know, whatever your name is) Pull yourself together and remember who you are! Not for "him," but for you. Don't drop the things that you enjoy and lose yourself amid the chaos.

Remember your super-self!

And the truth is, people change, grow, mature, gain new interests and responsibilities and that's ok. But forgetting yourself completely is not a good idea. Having peace in a relationship is important, but surrendering your interests, feelings and steadfastness is a dangerous thing to do.

Make sure you take care of yourself and do things you enjoy.

"You are Elasti-Girl! Pull yourself together!"

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Taking Responsibility for what we get wrong - a quote by Megyn Kelly

 "None of us is perfect, but if we get it wrong we should say so." -Megyn Kelly

Megyn Kelly said this statement on her show (Fox News) yesterday and I loved it! She was talking about how sometimes reporters will report incorrectly on a story, but I think that her statement can apply to life in general.

Monday, March 23, 2015

The Shrimp Vs. the Beta Fish

A few days after we got a Beta Fish, we decided that it would be nice to have a bottom feeder as well. We already had a snail, but it soon became clear that something like a shrimp might be nice. Because Beta fish are so attack prone, it surprised me when the lady at the pet store told us that you can put a shrimp in the Beta tank as long as the shrimp is big enough to stand up to the Beta.

So, wanting a bottom feeder, we tried it. We bought a big shrimp and took it home to our bowl.

Our Beta Fish was NOT happy about it. The fish immediately attacked Cocktail (that's what we named our shrimp). I was thrilled to see that Cocktail could hold his own. The Beta Fish would snap at Cocktail and Cocktail would snap back at the Beta Fish. After an hour or so of being together in the tank, the Beta Fish had backed off a ton and the Shrimp was taunting him like crazy. Multiple times I watched the Shrimp jump up on the back of the Beta and run down its tail.

He had guts, that's for sure.

The Beta fish would swim away and then sneak up behind the shrimp and watch him. Then the shrimp would lap around the bowl and jump on the Beta again.

It looked like Cocktail had settled in. He could stand up to the Beta.

That night we ran some errands. When we got home we ran straight to our fish bowl to see how things were faring.

Cocktail was on his back, missing some innards! The Beta was hovering over the dead as dead can be shrimp.

The Beta had won!!!!!!!!!

Don't be the Shrimp in a Beta fish bowl. Too many people see a potentially hazardous situation and think "I can handle it" "I won't get hurt" "Things would never go too far."

At the point where you may be thinking these things, consider that the situation might have already gone too far.

Don't be a Shrimp in a Beta Fish Bowl!!!!!

Friday, March 20, 2015

Finding the Real Deal (Part 2)

On March 9th I wrote a blog post on Finding the "Real Deal."

You can find the post Here .

The gist of the post was thus: we all want to find good, honest, reliable, real things. Which is not always super easy. But in a world full of fake, deceiving things we should at least be able to trust that our ice cream is real, right? Priorities, people!

It all started when we accidentally left a Meadow Gold Ice Cream bar out overnight and it DIDN'T melt. So then we did it on purpose and found that after a week it still hadn't melted. Go to the post mentioned above to see that experiment.

In the meantime we have been on a search to find the "Real Deal" of ice cream. One that would at least melt. As you would think ice cream should. This time around we did our experiment on a much grander scale, using multiple brands of ice cream sandwiches. Which ice cream sandwich was able to step up to the plate and win the title of "The Real Deal: Ice Cream Sandwich?"


Step #1: Assemble the Contestants! (March 12, 2015)

Meadow Gold
Skinny Cow (also a Nestle product)
Fat Boy
Blue Bunny

Note: -We already had the box of Meadow Gold (that we used for the last experiment)
-Fat Boy and Blue Bunny were in our freezer longer than Nestle, Skinny Cow and Klondike because we got those a day apart.
That being said, let the games (and hopefully melting) begin!

Step #2: Check the Sandwiches after half an hour of melting. (Temperature at 70 degrees Fahrenheit) 

Blue Bunny had started bulging.

Klondike hadn't done anything.

 Skinny Cow was actually melting! Yay!

Nestle was dripping too! Woohoo!

 Meadow Gold was actually showing hope by glistening.

Fat Boy looked just as it did when we started.

Step #3: Check the sandwiches after an hour

Blue Bunny had bulged a little bit more.

Klondike forgot it was in a competition

 Fat Boy's shell cracked and the ice cream started to glisten.

Skinny Cow had almost covered the plate!

 Nestle was still melting as well!

 I wondered, is Meadow Gold starting to melt?!!!

Step #4: Check the sandwiches after 3 hours.

                                               I'd say Blu Bunny had definitely Drooped.

Klondike hadn't moved a muscle. Notice the indent in the front that hadn't even filled out.

Fat Boy's cookie had slipped a little, and got this water thing on the plate. I think this water is from ice crystals melting, not the ice cream. Maybe?

I think I'd call Skinny Cow completely melted. Cheers!

 Nestle is on it's way!

Meadow Gold is not melting after all, but it's ice crystals have melted it appears.

You can see here that Skinny Cow so far gets first place in melting, with Nestle in a good second. Blue Bunny comes in third with the rest of the sandwiches trailing behind.

Step #5: Lets skip ahead to after the sandwiches had been sitting out for one week!

Blue Bunny

 Blue Bunny. Had started strong, but after a week it still looked like this. Like it had started to puff out and then melt but thought better of it in the end. It also had ice crystals that melted.

We cut into it and found that the cream had the consistency of a soft marshmallow. Which makes me feel better about it not melting. Marshmallows aren't bad, right? 

The bottom cookie was soft and gooey. When we opened it up an awful spoiled milk smell wafted up from the sandwich. Which is also hopeful. Milk SHOULD spoil. Huzzah!


I'm not sure Klondike knew it was competing. It did have some ice crystals melt...

But when we opened it up, we found the cream was the consistency of a soft and sticky marshmallow. Really sticky! It makes me feel better about it not melting. Plus, when we opened up the Klondike it smelled a lot like the Blue Bunny did, if not worse. Whew! Yay, though! Milk should spoil!!!!!!!!!! The bottom cookie was soft as well. 

Fat Boy

Fat Boy did not melt. I would say it deflated. Look how flat it got!!! It also had melted ice crystals.

Inside we found an airy foam that would still flatten under my finger. It's like Fat Boys are mostly air or something. The bottom cookie was soft. There was a stink, but it was covered up with a strong vanilla smell. Also, I have to give points to it being cookies and cream. The others are all vanilla. So, that might help cover up the smell a bit too.

Skinny Cow

Skinny Cow was the only sandwich with a soft top cookie. You can see in the picture that the cookie had soaked up the melted cream. Extra points to Skinny Cow!!!

We found the thick, melted cream had completely dried. The bottom cookie was soft, but there was no stink. Is that because the cream was spread out and not contained in a chunk like the ones that stank?


The outside cream that had melted and spilled was like the Skinny Cow cream, thick and completely dried. The cream in the side of the sandwich was like a soft foam. It also had some melted ice crystals.

When we opened it up, the creme in the middle was still a little spongy. But there was no stink. I would have thought that since the cream was bunched up in the middle there would have been stink. The bottom cookie was soft.

Here is a picture to give you an idea of the consistency:

Meadow Gold

Looked about the same as when we started.

Inside I found extremely soft foam that comes apart easier than the Fat Boy foam. Bottom cookie was soft. It was a little different than our last experiment with Meadow Gold. Last time it was on a real plate and we waited 8 days, not 7, to cut into it. The indent in the picture is from my finger. I felt like Meadow Gold did a lot better this time around.


Personally, I think Skinny Cow wins first prize, and the title of "Real Deal: Ice Cream Sandwich."

Not only did it melt, but the top cookie even soaked up the cream. 


After that it depends on what you are looking for.

Are you looking for ice cream that melts...

... then Nestle is definitely your choice!

Are you looking for ice cream that didn't completely melt, but spoiled like real milk?

... then Blue Bunny is what you are looking for!

Are you looking for a sandwich that creepily keeps its shape AND spoils like real milk...

...then Klondike is your friend!

Are you looking for a sandwich that has great preservative powers and won't stink?

...then Meadow Gold is what you're looking for!

Are you looking for a sandwich that can't be that bad for you since it has to be 80% air?

...then Fat Boy is your choice!

But personally, I'll be choosing Skinny Cow!!! 

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Some thoughts for your day!

                                       We all have what it takes to get through the "Winter"

Don't Stress, Don't Fret, Just do the work and Carry on!

We can not always choose our circumstances, but we can choose how we react to them.

Sometimes you just have to say it like it is