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Thursday, April 30, 2015

Day 5 of Fake Therapy Week: "And how do you feel about that?"

It's Free -Fake- Therapy Week! Disclaimer: This is NOT real therapy, and I am NOT a real therapist. This is just a GOOD excuse to watch GOOD movies.

It's been a fun week, thanks to everyone who came!

Today we are going to visit "Dr. Tess Coleman." Or at least her daughter... Spoiler alert!

So, I have a question for you. How do you feel about that? That as in whatever you are going through.

Sometimes people quarantine their feelings, suppressing them from others and themselves. Maybe because it is easier to just disregard your feelings than to deal with the pain you are experiencing? I don't know.

What I do know is that how we feel definitely matters. We may not be able to do something, we may not be able to act, maybe we even shouldn't. We may need to work through how we feel. Every situation is different. But how we feel definitely matters. It will affect your actions and your abilities.

That's one reason why we are constantly told by therapists, church leaders and even memes to try and find joy despite the trials.

So... How do you feel about that?

Day 4 of Fake Therapy Week: Bad therapists!

It's Free -Fake- Therapy Week! Disclaimer: This is NOT real therapy, and I am NOT a real therapist. This is just a GOOD excuse to watch GOOD movies.

For today's session we are visiting our local hairstylist!

Ever get your hair done at a salon and and get a heavy dose of advice while you're at it?

Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's...

Moral of the story is: choose your therapists - and who you take advice from - well!

Recognize when advice should not be taken seriously.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Fake Therapy Week Day 3: Confronting your Fears

It's Free -Fake- Therapy Week! Disclaimer: This is NOT real therapy, and I am NOT a real therapist. This is just a GOOD excuse to watch GOOD movies.

Today we are visiting with "Dr. Archibald" for a lesson on confronting our fears.

Do you have any fears that you know are irrational but you have them anyway? Or maybe you have fears that are totally rational but there isn't anything you can do about it?

I think victims, addicts and spouses of addicts deal with both of those on a constant basis.

So, what is to be done? How do you work through the fear?

I am not a therapist, but I think that a huge step is recognizing whether or not a particular fear or worry is rational. If you can acknowledge that your fear of losing your lips is irrational, then maybe you are on a better track than if you couldn't. Or if you can acknowledge that your fear of your spouse relapsing is rational but other than supporting good standards in your home there is nothing you can do about it, then maybe that will bring you a bit of peace.

Do what you can, try to find peace for the things you can't.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Day 2 of Fake Therapy Week: Group Therapy

It's Free -Fake- Therapy Week! Disclaimer: This is NOT real therapy, and I am NOT a real therapist. This is just a GOOD excuse to watch GOOD movies.

Today we are all visiting a shopaholic group therapy session.

If you obsess over something and focus on it, it will consume you. Am I right? Have you found this before too?

It's hard, especially when you have no control over a situation, to not obsess over it. You think about it, you worry about it, you dwell on it. And I personally think that is natural. But I also don't think it's always healthy.

Especially if you are the spouse of an addict, try to not let everything be about the addiction. I know that is what is on your mind, but life will be horrible if you can't give your mind at least a break from that topic.

We are meant to find joy in this life despite our trials. How can we find joy if all we focus on are our trials? That may be another reason why some therapists suggest [getting to safe place and] taking your pain and trials to your higher power. Let Him deal with it.

Easier said than done, very hard to do, but super true.

Monday, April 27, 2015

Day 1 of Fake Therapy Week: Baby Steps (What About Bob)

It's Free -Fake- Therapy Week! Disclaimer: This is NOT real therapy, and I am NOT a real therapist. This is just a GOOD excuse to watch GOOD movies.

For Monday I figured we'd visit Dr. Marvin and learn about "Baby Steps."

Ever heard the phrase, "Rome wasn't built in a day?" Well, neither was your well-being. If you can't do something big, take baby steps.

Baby steps to courage, baby steps to bravery, baby steps to recognizing your worth.

"Baby Steps!"

What baby steps can you take to accomplish your goals?

Friday, April 24, 2015

It will be ok.

I really struggled with what to post about today. I have a few blog posts already written that would be very easy to just publish and call it done. But everytime I went to publish a tip or a commentary or something else, I just felt like it wasn't right for today. That today needed to be something uplifting, something specifically happy.

Most of what I write about deals with addiction or dealing with a family members addiction. This week is also National Infertility Awareness week. This month is also child abuse precention month.

Whatever you are going through in life, whatever you are dealing with, know that it will all be ok. Really. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, and that you may feel like you are drowning in trials. But, in the end, it will all be ok.

Do your part. Get yourself in a safe, healthy position. Take care of you and your family. Do your best.

Some things will heal with time, some things will heal with therapy, some things will heal with change and progression.

Lots of therapists will talk about taking your trials to your higher power. Do it.

Whether it's here and now or in the next life, everything will be ok. Because Someone is always looking out for us. He loves us and knows us, our sorrows and our trials. He knows what we are going through and he suffered for it all. Just stick with him.

It really will be ok.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Conditioned to Accept Pornography

Isn't it interesting how some people are so anti-porn while others don't think it's that big of a deal.

Why? What makes up the difference between these two viewpoints?

Whenever I hear a woman say, "I don't care if my husband views porn," I think she's nuts!  Because at what point did that woman sit back and decide that she was ok with her husband looking at pictures of other women and inappropriate things? And that's just the first step. Porn can get much, much worse.

I think I know the answer, though. I don't think women that say things like that actually sat back and made that as a conscious decision. I'll bet they were conditioned to give you that answer over years and years of becoming desensitized to the issue.

Because NO ONE who hasn't been desensitized decides that it's ok for their spouse to look outside of their marriage for "intimate" fulfillment. I put in the quotes because porn is not real love or intimacy.

Maybe those women had a father involved with porn and they just grew up thinking it was normal. Maybe those women have put up an emotional wall in hopes to not get hurt. Who knows exactly.

This is one reason why it is so important to speak out against porn. People need to know that this is NOT ok. Whatever circumstances you are in, pornography and all of its friends (abuse, affairs, etc) are not normal.

Never should anyone find themselves saying, "My spouse goes elsewhere for "intimacy" and it is ok with me."

Otherwise, what is the point of getting married? If you don't want a personal, private relationship?

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Tip: When you have a hard time listening to the radio, make a Safe CD

Sometimes when we go through something very emotionally harrowing, it can be hard to listen to the radio. Have you experienced this? My guess is it's because songs are so emotion-driven and easily remind us about whatever situation we are in because we can easily apply things we hear to us.

Especially love songs. Find out that your spouse or boyfriend is cheating, addicted to porn, breaking up with you, whatever. And it can be hard to listen to the lovey dovey songs on the radio.

So, decide what songs you are ok with listening to and then make a cd of them. Or, you know, a play list. Whatever. Don't include songs that trigger sadness or reminders of what you are having a hard time with in your life

It's your safe CD. Songs that you know you can listen to safely without fear of trial reminder.

In general, music should be an escape. Not an endulgence into your personal hardship.

Don't worry, things like not being able to listen to the radio can get better with time.

To hear a song that I would put on my safe cd, click on the CD cover in the beginning of this post.

Do you know what songs you would put in your safe cd?

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Do NOT tell this to an addict or his girlfriend

Today's post is a bit of a vent - so, warning!

Last week I read a letter posted on a very popular anti-pornography website. It was written by a girl who chose to stay with her boyfriend and help him work through his pornography addiction. A few months ago I read an article about another girl who chose to marry a man that she knew had a pornography problem because she could tell he was repentant and wanting to heal.

I love that porn does not conquer all. That when an addict puts their mind to it and dedicates themselves to thereapy and hardwork it is possible for them to turn over a new leaf.

But . . . here is my issue with letters like this.

They give the impressionn that if a girl leaves her boyfriend because he is a porn addict it means that she didn't really love him any way. That a girl doesn't really love you if she leaves.


This is an aweful thing to say to both the girlfriend and the porn addict. Having a boyfriend with a pornography addiction can tear you apart. It causes emotional issues, and is no picnic. The girl in the letter I read said that because of this she had had to deal with depression already. And they aren't even married!

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't fault a girlfriend for moving on because she found out her boyfriend has an addiction. If you are having those kinds of problems before marriage, you'll have them after as well. Only maybe worse because in the addicts mind he might be thinking "She knew about this before we married and was ok with it."

I think if a marriage has any real, good chance at all that the addict needs to get help to try and not take those issues into a marriage.

You don't want to tell the addict that if a girl leaves him that means she didn't truly love him. How aweful is that for the addict! Basically you are telling him that every girl that left because she didn't want to put her, her future marriage and kids through a pornography addiction, was just stringin him along in the first place. Oh, don't worry. She didn't really love you anyway.

That's aweful!

Don't put that on either the girlfriend or the addict.

If anything, I would tell a young man to not get wrapped up with pornography and I would tell him that it is a total turn off for girls. They don't want to feel compared to someone else, they don't want to go through those issues.  I would tell him that he will most definitely lose girlfriends over this. And probably the ones he would really want to keep.

Now, if a couple is married and the wife finds out that her husband is an addict, then I think they should try to work it out if at all possible. Dating relatoionships are a lot more expendable than marriages, which should be permanent. I know that sometimes this doesn't work out in a marriage, that some addicts cross dangerous lines that they cannot just come back from. There is a point where you have taken your addiction to levels and once you get to that level you will have to deal with a more dangerous level of temptation for the rest of your life. Some addictions put people at risk.

That being said, I think if you are married, try to work it out. If you are dating, don't be pressured to stick around just for the sake of proving your loyalty.

We need to teach kids that there are consequences for their actions. And yeah, you might lose a girlfriend over this. That doesn't mean that she didn't love you or that she was just stringing you along. If you find a girl that is willing to stick with you, then good for you. But don't be surprised if a girl doesn't want to deal with that.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Don't Let In The Worldly Bird!

Just a thought.

Some people go to extensive lengths to protect them and their family from the bad influences in the world. Some put up computer blocks against pornography. Families have the "drug-free" talk with their kids. Families have rules, standards, etc. etc. etc.

Sometimes we put up extensive protections against something in particular, but then forget about protecting something else in another area. Like, putting a filter on your computer and then not setting restrictions on what kinds or standards of movies your family watches.

It's like this picture here:

You go to extensive work to protect your family. Just like the bird spikes (whatever those things are called on the window). But, just like the bird, worldly things will try to find another way to sit on your wall.

Or, you know, get into your home. 

Think about what you can do to further protect your home and family. Don't let in those worldly birds!

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Is Porn Watching You? Just Another Reason to Not Watch Porn

Fight The New Drug just published this piece on how pornography could be watching you!

Yup, you heard me correctly. And in this day and age where nothing is private, why are we so surprised that a person's pornography watching habits may not be private as well.

If you don't want the world to know about it, don't do it.

Check out their article:

Monday, April 6, 2015

Think Things Through

Think things through.

In all things. But especially if you are going to park at a construction site.

Consider the consequences.

In all things. But especially if you are going to park at a construction site.

Friday, April 3, 2015

Lie #5: "No one else understands what you are going through"

This week, because of my lastest article Here:, I have been blogging about the lies experienced by couples when one of them has a pornography addiction.

Today is the final instalment in this saga. The lie: "No one else understands what you are going through."

I wish this wasn't a lie. I wish I could tell all of the addicts and spouses that they are singularly the only person going through this. That no one else has experienced this kind of trial.

But that wouldn't be true. EVERYONE has been effected by pornography in one way or another. Whether they realize it or not.

People just don't talk about it.

But they still are going through it.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Lie #4 : "Everyone does Pornography, so why worry about it?"

  • If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?

But, seriously, I resent this lie. I take offense when people say that "everyone does it."

Because not everyone views porn. Not everyone looks outside of their marriage, not everyone supports that industry.

Thats like saying ...

"Everybody does it" is probably the lamest excuse for anything.

And, when we accept something as being the "norm" then we except the consequences of that thing as the "norm" as well.

Pornography and the sorrow it leaves in its wake? NOT NOT NOT the norm.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Lie #3: "Joining in your spouse's addiction will be helpful to your marriage"

This week we are looking at some of the lies told by pornography addiction. Today's Lie is: "Joining in your spouse's addiction will be helpful to your marriage."

Ugh. No, no, no. How many different ways can I say that this is NOT a good idea?

Let's see...

1. This is NOT a good idea.
2. Two wrongs don't make a right.
3. Don't support the thing that is messing with your marriage.
4. Don't support your spouse's pornography addiction.

I could go on and on.

Pornography is completely fake. It doesn't show healthy couples in healthy intimate relationships. It shows the opposite of that. You don't want to have your marital examples coming from exploited, coerced, or even trafficked relationships.

And how do you think you will feel after watching or acting out pornography? Better? Closer to your spouse?

Absolutely not.

The first time I heard about addicts who try to get their spouses to join in I was mortified. Don't go down that road, do not do that to yourself.