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Thursday, January 29, 2015

Is it withdrawals? ???

Someone once told me that an addict's mood may get worse before it gets better. Why? Because they may be going through withdrawals.

This was so frustrating to hear.

Because really, as spouses, you are already dealing with more crap than you ever thought you could handle. And, as addicts, I can imagine it's a bit of a scary jump. And, there's no way of sugarcoating this, but when someone is trapped in an addiction cycle they can be a bit of a . . . pill already.  So to say that it could get worse is super scary.

One of the most frustrating things about this is that the spouse doesn't know if the addict is reacting to withdrawals or if his mood is still a reaction to the continuing addiction cycle. After the first few rounds of wondering this, only to find out that your spouse is not in fact having withdrawals? It's exhausting.

I guess this all makes sense though. It's like the Little House on the Prairie episode where Pa is helping the drunk become sober. Or the episode where Pa is helping Albert get off of drugs. In each case they get a lot worse before they get better.

I love Little House on the Prairie Analogies.

Just because it is normal for someone to get moody durring wihdrawals doesn't mean it's good. I think that addicts sometimes forget that everyone around them is also being dragged through this saga.

To the Addicts: Your spouses are probably hanging on by a thread as it is, they are tired, they are sad, they may be feeling rejected to say the least. Obviously they want you to "sober up," but keep their feelings in mind while you are doing it. You will be much better off in the long run if you remember this. And so will your spouse. It is a lot easier to be nice than it is to try and take things back afterword.

The Far Left - Anti Porn?

This morning I was doing some research for an upcoming article that I am writing when I came across this gem. The article discusses thoughts about why the liberal left should be adamantly anti-porn. It was written in 2011, and says that at that time most of the liberal senators were not actively anti-porn.

This article is very well written and has some very, very good points. I do think, though, that religious views or thoughts are also a very good anti-porn sentiment. Definitely not the only sentiment, but one of many.

I will fully admit that I would never describe myself as far left - or even leaning left- , however I liked this article for this reason:

This is an issue that everyone can come together on. Whether you are The liberal liberal or the conservative conservative. The point is that everyone has reason to fight pornography.

Check out the article here:

Article at the Daily Beast

Monday, January 26, 2015

"Cleanse the Mind"

Here is what I got in my fortune cookie the other day . . .

Right? So true! Normally I would have been a little let down by this fortune, since it isn't really a fortune at all. I mean, where is the "You will win a car this week" or the "Something you have been wishing for will happen." This is a fact, not a fortune.

Still, I liked it. Because laughing and crying can be medicinal. Especially if you haven't really laughed in a long time. That deep, hard laugh that hurts your muscles. You know what I'm talking about. On the flip side, sometimes all someone needs is a listening ear and a good talk.

My non-fortune fact is right.

Just a thought.

Or maybe you could laugh so hard that you cry, getting them both done at the same time.   :)

Wednesday, January 21, 2015


No legacy is so rich as honesty. - William Shakespeare at BrainyQuote

So true. Stay honest in your interactions with others.

If you have a history of telling lies or twisting the truth, then that is what others will assume you are doing. Tell a lie, and you lose your believability.

It's as simple as that.

If you are always honest, then your situation and stance is grounded in truth and you can stand by it.

Being able to stand by the truth and knowing that I am telling the truth has been a great blessing in my life many times. Because, no matter what, the truth is the truth and there is no twisting it. I would rather that others be able to rely on me because I tell the truth.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Stronger Marriages

I love when I hear stories of couples who have gone through the trial of a pornography addiction and were able to come out stronger and closer than they ever were before.

I know that, for whatever reason, that isn't always the case. It sometimes doesn't work out like that. Sometimes it can't. Sometimes there are even other factors involved. I know.

But sometimes I will hear people talking about how this marriage broke up, and that marriage broke up, etc. etc. etc. I always try to remind them that there are also those cases in which the couple is able to work it out. Is it easy? No. Even commiting to trying to work on a marriage with an addict is hard. That's the truth. It is hard. No way around it. But people do it all the time.

I also know very well that there are some situations in which divorce is the only choice. Can't think of one? You're lucky if you can't and I honestly wish I was you. I really hate divorce, though. And even in the cases where you don't have a choice, divorce is not easy. It is really hard. Really hard and really expensive. Monetarily, emotionally, time-wise expensive. It is what it is. And it's not fun.

I've done both. In my situation I found myself in what I consider to be two separate time periods. The time period when I was devoted to working it out, no matter the pain I was going through, and the time period when I realized that my situation was on a whole different level than I had previously realized. A lot of my experience comes from each of those time periods, which means I have been able to relate to many other situations that I hear.

I wish I couldn't. I wish that I hadn't gone through events that meant I could relate. But I did. And it has been a blessing in many ways to be able to speak with people and understand what they are telling me.

But, for the record and for all of the people that can relate to what I am saying, I truly hope that you find yourself in a position to be able to work things out in your marriage. To be able to find peace and happiness. I have met many people and heard of even more people who were able to work through this trial and end up, still working as always, closer to their spouses than they ever were before.

What an amazing thing to be able to do that. We do live in a day where pornography and sexual addiction is attacking our lives. Thank goodness we also live in a day where there are so many recourses fighting and supporting the help of those with these addictions.

Good luck, whichever of these situatins in which you may find yourself.

Monday, January 12, 2015

"Get Your Head In The Right Place"

The other day I watched the Pixar Short "Boundin'" for the first time in years. I remember when I saw  it for the first time in the theater. I thought it was a hit, and year's later I still feel the same way.

Don't know what I'm talking about?

Does this picture look familiar?

Well, anyway, the Jackalope had some very insightful and uplifting comments. My favorite?

"Now sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down. When you find that you're down, well, just look around. You still got a body, good legs and fine feet, get your head in the right place and hey you're complete!"

Here is the source of the quote:

Even when you are "down," you still have blessings. Sometimes the most basic blessings are the ones that we forget about the easiest. Like the little sheep in the story that could only focus on the fact that he'd lost his wool. The Jackalope points out that he still has all of the rest of him intact and that if he can wrap his mind around that that he'll be ok.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Dating in a Pornography-Ridden World.

The other day I was talking with someone about how lots of young woman don't know anything about pornography addiction outside of the blanket statement: It is bad. And it's true, they generally  don't know much about it.

It's too bad that every young woman graduating high school isn't required to sit through a spouse of addict meeting. Because this is such a widespread problem. So many men (and women too) have this problem, and yet all of these young women know very little about something they will probably have to deal with at some point in their life with either a spouse or a child or a friend.

They need to know about relapse rates.

They need to know about treatment options.

They need to know about the addiction cycle.

And yet sadly, they don't.

How can a young woman make truly informed decisions without being truly informed. There are some questions that need to be asked before you walk down the aisle, and so many of these young girls don't even know about them.

They are going out into the dating world with their eyes closed. Which is not good.

I read an article the other day about why one young bride chose to marry a pornography addict. It was a very interesting read, but I have to wonder how much she knows about relapsing and things like that. At least she knew something, though, and was able to make her choice at least  somewhat informed. Maybe she knows about all of it, I don't know.

My Advice: Read articles, go to the pages in my Addiction tab at the top, become informed. Have your sons and daughters do the same.

It is totally possible for someone to work through this addiction, but it is so common for an addict to relapse. This addiction is based on images and feelings that, unlike substance drugs, they can't just get out of their system in the same way.

I'm sure that most of the spouses reading this would agree that they know a whole lot more about pornography addiction now than they ever did before they were married.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Reminder, Reminder!!! Discount For LifeStar Intensive Program!!!!!!!!!! Until February 2, 2015 only!!!

Don't forget about the discount for the LifeStar 6-day Intensive Outpatient Program. LifeStar specializes in treating those with pornography and sexual addictions as well as programs to help their spouses and family. The 6-day program is designed to boost your recovery.

See the original post here - Click Here For Original Post

You have until February 2, 2015 to call in and claim this discount. Send the link to anyone who might benefit from it. Who can afford to not save money?

Friday, January 2, 2015

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

It's a time of new beginnings, goals and hope. Isn't that funny? The new year comes around and we all use it as a time to re-apply our selves to goals, to get a fresh start. And why not?

We all have things we could improve on, change or pursue.

So, Happy 2015 and onward!