If you've listened to the radio recently you've heard the song "Say Something" by A Great Big World.
When someone is the spouse of an addict they often have many of their securities stripped away. They may feel like they have been discarded, shamed, disrespected and forgotten. Then, to add even more insult to the injury, sometimes addicts don't acknowledge that their spouses have been affected by the addiction as well.
Sometimes all you need is to hear an "I love you" or an "I'm sorry" or a "Hey, thank you for working on this with me."
Here you put all this energy into working through your spouses addiction and they barely acknowledge that you care.
Everytime I hear the song "Say Something" I am reminded of this. You want them to just say something!
I'm not suggesting that they say things they don't mean, just for the sake of talking. But a simple acknowledgement that their actions have affected others can go a long way.
Or sometimes they may say sorry at the very beginning, when their spouses find out about the addiction. But then they do everything to try and ignore the fact that their spouse has been effected as well and that dealing with the addiction is an ongoing situation for everyone involved.
This isn't always the case of course, but I've seen it happen many times.
I can appreciate that it is hard to admit when you've hurt someone. But sometimes the simplest forms of communication can help ease the pain of those you have hurt. A hug, a "sorry" a "thank you."
Now, remember I'm not a therapist. I'm just reflecting what I have seen.
For the spouses of addicts reading this out there, know that there are others like you out there. And just because your spouse may not aknowledge your effort doesn't mean it's not there. It takes a lot of strength to go through what you are going through.
You may not feel very strong in your situation at this time, but you are strong. There is no way you couldn't be.