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Monday, December 7, 2015

The doomed "Attribute Activity"

A few years ago, very soon after I found out about my family member's addiction, we were given a copy of a "Christ Like Attribute Activity." It's a 1 page list if attributes, habits and feelings. Then the idea is that you rate yourself on each attribute from 1 to 5. 1 meaning never, 5 meaning always.

The questions were things like:

-I am kind and patient with others. and -I work to strengthen my faith

That kind of thing.

The two of us were asked to rate ourselves and then to rate the other person on these attributes. Then, later down the road, do it again and see if your feelings of yourself and the other person had changed. Basically, how were we working on our relationship and how were we developing in our situation.

But. It was REALLY REALLY rough.

I remember we were on the phone to do this activity. As we went down the list of attributes, he gave me insanely low rankings. He ranked me low on caring for others. He ranked me low on being spiritually in tune. He ranked me low on everything.

And I'd say things like, how could you rank me low on praying? You see me pray everyday. And he'd respond with things like, yes, but I don't think or know that you are serious about it.


Truthfully, it hurt. It really hurt.

Lesson that I learned from this activity:

-Not everyone is qualified (or should) evaluate your personal attributes.

And, seriously, you can tell the difference between someone who is giving you a tip out of love versus someone who is just mad and speaking out of anger.

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