A few years back, sitting in a meeting for the Spouses of Addicts, I was having a very rough time with some devastating news I had just learned. This news was a game changer, an escalation, a crossing of a line that should never have been crossed. It was the time period in which I found out that the situation I was in was so much worse than I thought it was before.
I mean, I knew it was bad before. I knew that things weren't good. But this news changed everything.
I remember sitting in this meeting, a huge range of emotions going through me.
Disappointment. Sadness. Shock.
Plus, I wondered if there would be more news. More things I didn't know about.
Plus, I wondered if there would be more news. More things I didn't know about.
And yes, yes there was. But that is not a part of this story.
Obviously I can't tell you what happened in that meeting. But there came a point where I imagined meeting my future self and what advice she would give me.
I bawled.
Because my future self knew how sad I was. What I had imagined was not going to be. The future I had hoped for was not going to be. I had learned that my family had entered into a dangerous area, and I knew that nothing would ever be the way I had dreamed it would end up.
No rocking chairs on the porch kind of feeling.
Picturing my future self, she was calm. She knew the situation, she knew what I was going through, and she had survived it. She knew, just as I did, what direction things were going in.
Like I said, I bawled.
Now that I am "the future self," I would still tell my past self to be strong. To pray, to stay close to God.
And now what would my future self tell me? Honestly, the same things.
I have a guess that if any of us were to meet our hopeful future selves they would say the same thing.
I know what you are going through. I've literally been there, in your shoes. But I survived it, I prayed and asked God to guide my decisions. I stood firm in the places I needed to stand firm, I changed what needed to be changed. It won't be easy, but you can do it. You'll have plenty of opposition if you are doing the right thing, but you can do it.
Life is not about trials, It's about the decisions you make in getting through them.
Because my future self knew how sad I was. What I had imagined was not going to be. The future I had hoped for was not going to be. I had learned that my family had entered into a dangerous area, and I knew that nothing would ever be the way I had dreamed it would end up.
No rocking chairs on the porch kind of feeling.
Picturing my future self, she was calm. She knew the situation, she knew what I was going through, and she had survived it. She knew, just as I did, what direction things were going in.
Like I said, I bawled.
Now that I am "the future self," I would still tell my past self to be strong. To pray, to stay close to God.
And now what would my future self tell me? Honestly, the same things.
I have a guess that if any of us were to meet our hopeful future selves they would say the same thing.
I know what you are going through. I've literally been there, in your shoes. But I survived it, I prayed and asked God to guide my decisions. I stood firm in the places I needed to stand firm, I changed what needed to be changed. It won't be easy, but you can do it. You'll have plenty of opposition if you are doing the right thing, but you can do it.
Life is not about trials, It's about the decisions you make in getting through them.
I can totally relate! I think my future self would also say "You made it without completely losing your mind, and you are way stronger than you thought."
ReplyDeleteI think you are right! We are all stronger than we think we are.
DeleteMy future self (me right now) would say, "RUN!!!!" GET AWAY FROM HIM NOW!!" "RED FLAGS! RED FLAGS!"
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how clear hindsight is, isn't it? Or sometimes you might not even realize that the flag you're looking at is red until you are WAY past it.
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