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Monday, June 1, 2015

. . . that's disturbing.

There are some really disturbing things in life.

Like speedos.

-No offense to anyone who likes to wear a speedo.

Or people who have ear gauges so large you can see through their ears.

-No offense to anyone who wears gauges.

Bikinis. People think they have the body for it. They don't.

-Again, no offense.

Hamburgers with two or three patties.

-Eww! But, again, no offense if you like a grotesque ratio of meat on your sandwich. I'm Just sayin.

And seriously, I have never liked paisley patterns.

-They're like little amoebas with flagella sticking out of them. No offense if you like to wear it, I'm sure it looks great on you. . .


-Go ahead, be offended.

Some things in life are just sick and wrong. Stand up against the double patties! Rage against the speedos! Toss the paisley shirts! Use your gauges as frizbees! Life is too short to try and heal from the shock and trauma of seeing someone in a bikini!

Maybe if we start small with something like trying to show the world how demeaning and harmful pornography is, then we can do something really important like convincing people to not eat sushi that hasn't been cooked.

I mean seriously, people. It's raw fish! Get the cooked rolls, they're yummy too.

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